DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

by Hank Phillippi Ryan

 

It’s a semi-annual (does that mean twice a year? Or is it biennial?) struggle. My brain simply will not handle it. Spring forward, fall back, yes, I understand that part. Every fall and spring we change the clocks here on the east coast in order to—what? Make it lighter in the morning and darker sooner? Whatever. I just can’t comprehend it.

 

My brain has fogged over this issue for years. I once anchored the weekend news in Atlanta, where we also switched to daylight savings. (Or something.) The weather guy turned to me on the anchor desk, and said, all serious, “Remember, Hank, this is the night the time changes.”

I looked at him, narrowing my eyes. “Well, actually.” I said. “The time doesn’t really change. The time stays the same. It’s a continuum, and the time just keeps relentlessly going. But WE change. We change the clocks. But the time, well, that stays the same.”

 

The next day I got called into the General Manager’s office. What was that time stuff all about? he asked. He was not happy. I tried to explain the time continuum to him, but he did not care.

“Listen,” he said. “That was ridiculous.”

 

(And then he said, and I promise you this is a direct quote.)  “You’re gonna have to practice your ad libs.”

It’s not just the clock change thing that flummoxes me. It’s time zones. 

 

There was the time my cat was at the vet. I was supposed to call the vet by 6 pm to get the update on Lola’s condition. But there had been breaking news, and by the time I was off the air, it was past 6.

 

Rats, I thought. I’ve missed talking to the vet. But then, I realized I had a solution. I thought  “My boyfriend is in California. And there it’s only 3 pm! So HE could call!”

It took me a few moments to realize the flaw in that. 

 

And now , today, we change the clocks. At least, some of them. I’m even more completely confused, because the automatic clocks, the ones connected to the computer and the cable TV, change themselves. (Don’t they? What time is it now, anyway?) The battery-operated one in my bathroom and the antiquated one on the oven, I have to change myself.

 

But then there was the year that my husband changed all the clocks. But I didn’t know that. So I decided to change them, too. Which I did. So that made us two hours off. Behind. Or ahead. Or maybe we were the same.

 

I have no idea.

 

Is this a problem of Einsteinian  proportions? Or is it just me?

Comments

[Patrick OMalley]

Funny. Love the line...

(And then he said, and I promise you this is a direct quote.) “You’re gonna have to practice your ad libs.”

[Betty Owens]

I love this! My husband changed one of the clocks that changes automatically, which happens to be our main alarm clock. We slept really late and had to rush to get to church. At least we laughed about it.

[William]

I rely on my cell phone to keep my time changes. I can't seem to do it any other way these days, and that's kind of embarrassing....

[Lyn Washington]

If the guys in charge were really all that smart, they'd find a way to save daylight from the summer and squoosh it over to the winter. My poor husband hates getting up in the dark. He also hates driving to work in the dark.

Excellent post, Hank. I always have to picture the earth turning toward the sun to remember (figure out) that it's earlier in LA than in Boston. Oy!

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Oh, great idea, Lyn. The squooshing time idea, I mean. The "imagining the earth turning" system kind of makes me more confused. I jsu think about the Today show. It's dark in CA when it's AM in NY. That, I can handle.

Betty--I know your pain.

Wiliam: do cell phone clocks change automatically? Oh, wait, I guess they do. Or wait--do they?

Hi Patrick! xox Yeah, that was quite a moment.

And yikes, It's dark now. And it's 6:07. Or is it 5:07? Sigh.

[Avis]

Although in my head I knew better, in my gut I really felt like that hour had actually gone missing, to show up again six (or however many) months later.

Finally I realized we're all just committing a mass hoax on ourselves. We all mutually agree to get up an hour earlier and start work an hour earlier all winter (or rather, the opposite all summer), and we simply name it the same time so that we don't have to have two sets of opening/closing times on all the businesses.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Avis: Yes, indeed. (Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain...)

[Janet Reid]

Unbeknownst to me, my co-conspirator changed all the clocks last night about 8:30pm.

I trudge over to the washateria thinking it was 9pm and the darn place had closed "early." Snarl Snarl.

Not until I logged on to the computer this morning did I realize what had been done.

I don't think the ancients had Daylight Savings. Back to the Old Ways!

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Yup, Janet, exactly. (And that'll teach you to do laundry. Did they do laundry in the Old Ways?)

[Kristina L.]

Maybe we should keep Daylight Savings all year. No fall back or spring forward. That way people wouldn't spend so much of the winter coming home from work in the dark!

I think of it this way "fall back" and sleep another hour :)

[Susan M. Boyer]

We were watching the Super Bowl with friends a few years back during Desert Storm. At half time, the network showed live footage of the troops watching the game. My friend said, "They already know who won over there." She was dead serious, and it took a few minutes for her husband to explain why that wasn't the case.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Yes, yes, Susan. Your friend and I are on the same wavelength. Thank you so much for that wonderful story! You competely made my day.

Oh, gosh. Love it. I totally understand that. Very sad.

[krisneri]

When we first moved to CA, my in-laws in NJ couldn't figure out the time difference. They would call when they woke up. And when they discovered it was 3 am, they never sounded particularly sorry.

Now we live in AZ, where we don't go on Daylight Savings time, so part of the year we're the same time as the West Coast, but the rest of the year, we're an hour off. Except on the Navajo Nation, which does go on DST, while the Hopi Reservation, both of which are in Arizona, do not. So, not only does our time change with respect to other states, if we drive through the state, the time changes right here. Too crazy.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

See, Kris, that's WEIRD! You could drive back and forth all day, and time would stand still. Whoa.

[Dana]

Amen, Hank. As Douglas Adams (rest his soul) once said, "All time is an illusion (and lunchtime, doubly so)." Daylight savings drives me nuts: it's all the effects of jetlag without the travel.