Oh, no. Not Again.

By Hank Phillippi Ryan 

 

It was.. well, it was exciting at first. My new book was finished and accepted and edited-- that's a whole blog for another day, the joys of a good editor, and the stretch of the brain when she asks..what did  he mean by that"? Why would she do that? And then having to face the reality that there would have to be some serious thinking going on. Which always makes it better.   But no, I don't mean that exciting part.

 I mean the-- embarrassing part, The hilarious part, the revelation by the copy editor that apparently I have the vocabulary of a four year old. Or no, maybe the vocabulary of a lazy four year old.  

She was the first to comment that I used the same verb-- I'll reveal it, "hovering" --twice in the first paragraph of the  novel. Twice! Hovering! How had  I not noticed that before..?

  Okay, I thought, it can happen. And it was actually more difficult than I expected to fix it.  Does the helicopter do something other than hover? Or do the reporters do something other than hover? ( Briefly, I tried to convince myself it was a THEME. )But I managed.  

So then next paragraph, something "twisted." The copy editor yellowed it, and inserted a little note. "Notice twisted throughout" she said. I don't know her, have never met her,but I can just imagine her, rolling her eyes, attempting to be patient with this poor shallow- brained writer who can't come up with any synonyms for twist.  

Or it seemed, for flickered. Or fluttered. people and things were fluttering and flickering so much you'd have thought the book was about birds.  "notice fluttering throughout," the CE wrote.  And so I did notice it..  And it was kind of..pitiful.  

Oh, that wasn't all.

 There was also ..well, in Hank world, seems as if people nod and smile a lot. And whoa, they also point. He smiled, nodded and pointed. I'm sure I didn't use that sentence, at least, but I probably came close. How how how had I not noticed  that before? 

 People also look. They look down, they look up, they look at the floor, they look away. I'm shaking my head, which a lot of characters in Hank world also do.  They shake their heads, then they point, and then sometimes they smile.

   The patient, polite and probably baffled CE painstakingly yellowed every time I used one of  those  words, and I have to admit , it got to the point (that one doesn't count, it's a different kind of point) where I was laughing and laughing.

  (I know Femme Donna espouses reading ones book out loud, and says that'll help catch the "reps" -- and I do that,  often, but I guess not in long enough stretches.  )

   I learned about my addiction to "just" long ago, and work hard to excise that word. My characters also no longer shrug and/or grin, which they did quite often in my first books. Also "actually, and "of course" have to go. Though of course, sometimes those two words are irresistible. (See, I didn't say "just irresistible.". Yay for me.)  

 So I made it through the copy edits, revamping sentences and choosing new words, and funny thing. Since I wasn't just replacing but rethinking,  that process made me hear the dialogue and description in a different way . And I that made the manuscript  even better-better.

   What are your word addictions? How did you realize they plagued you?  How do you avoid them?    

Comments

[Elaine Viets]

"Just" is my addiction, too, Hank. I have to go through my manuscripts and just take it out.
And for one book, I OD'ed on "gray" as a color for clothes, hair and cars. Thank you, copy editor, for catching those.

[Kathy Lynn Emerson]

Oh, Hank, I hear you, especially since I'm currently going through page proofs for the next Liss MacCrimmon mystery and still finding repetitious words and characters who smile (and grin) waaaay too often! The worst part, though, is finding that I've changed one word into something elso to avoid repetition . . . and now THAT word has somehow appeared again on the same page. Sometimes more than once! I'm not sure it's ever possible to catch them all.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

OH, the dreaded domino effect! I SO agree...just (oops) when you change hovered to gathered..then you see "gathered in the next paragraph.Then that has to go. And then...

[Kathy Reschini Sweeney]

I find myself using the word jackass all the time, but it has nothing to do with writing a book...

Hi Hank!

xo

[Gayle Carline]

Apparently, I say "apparently" a lot. It's the first word I search for. After that, it's "just". My last novel had people doing a lot of weird things with their eyebrows - lifting them, creasing them, tying them into knots (kidding). I guess I was trying to find other ways to show their emotional states. Lesson learned: Leave eyebrows alone. Reading my manuscript into a recorder and playing it back helps me find a lot of these before I turn it over to more objective eyes.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Gayle, NO EYEBROWS? Oh, no. Rats.

I sit at my desk, making a face like "Skeptical." Then I think--what is my face doing? And it always seems so weird to write the description..

"Making a skeptical face" is easier. But cheatingly terrible. And telling, not showing. Right?

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Kathy, miss you, too! (And talking doesn't count.) xoxo

[Linda Rodriguez]

Oh, Hank, I laughed throughout this. I just went through my final draft prior to sending it off, taking out "just" and "seemed/appeared." In every other line, it seemed. Agh! there I go again! I was watching for nodding and shaking heads, too (after the copyeditor found too many of those in the last book).

I also sit and twist my face/head/hands as I try on the expression of emotions and then try to write it. Must look really weird when I'm writing in a coffee shop to the other patrons. Might explain why no one ever bothers me. In fact, they tend to give me a wide berth. (Leave her alone, Mavis. She looks like she's ready to Hulk out on us any minute. I don't know about you, Mavis, but I'm getting out of here. Now.)

I do love good editing, though. you're right about those questions that always lead us to make the book so much better.

[Storyteller Mary]

I'm wondering if the focus on repetition increased when "find/replace" provided the tool for keeping count?
I do appreciate good editing, but I don't want authors to suffer over-much . . .

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Linda, I'm laughing, just (oops) imagining that.

Mary, you are probably right. (As usual.) But my husband is reading a book now--a really good one--in which he says the main character "takes the steps two at a time" in every chapter! Or so. And he loves the book, but he's realy noticing.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

I mean..really.

[krisneri]

"Just" is my worst personal cliche, too. I do a visual search for them, think I got them all, and then I do a computer search and find loads more. I let myself keep the odd one now and then, but most can easily be eliminated. Embarrassing that I really still want them all. My CE tells me I start too many sentences with "but." Lots of antho editors have told me the same thing. I eliminate many of those, too. But I'd prefer leaving those in (just did it there -- and just used "just. See, it's a compulsion!)

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Oh, Kris,me, too. I start sentences with "And." Many many many times. And it's (oops) almost always better when I take them out..

[Reine]

Laughing! Laughing! Laughing! You've hit them all, Hank! I hear the message, but can I fix my own? I will try. xoxo

[Lynn in Texas]

Mine are mostly "just" "but" and "since", but since I
noticed, I just tried to quit the repetition,;)

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Lynn,of course. And, apparently, you're so right. Just say just. xoxo

[Dana]

Hank, I think repeating a word over several pages is just my brain's way of saying "wow! That was a great word! I'm so glad I thought of it! I must use it again, soon!"

I find a lot of "really,""distracted," "echoes," "gritty,' and "buoyed."

There's a part in a David Lodge novel where someone analyzes the main character's writing and finds the word he most often uses is "greasy" (I think). He goes into a funk, trying to figure out what it means about him.

[Tammy Kaehler]

I had to come back to this post because in working on my WIP today, I find that my characters are OKing things to death. "OK, so let's do such-and-such," or "I'm OK," or "let's do that, OK?"

Make it stop! OK, I'm over it now.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Tammy, okay with me! So funny! And happy to help. :-)

Dana..echoes. I need that. Swiping. xoxo

[Charlaine Harris]

My editor is a violent "just" hater. I thought I used it sparingly, but even twice a book is too much for her. I had never had an editor who objected until her, and I had no idea I was doing anything wrong.

[Toni LP Kelner]

My characters used to grin a whole lot. A reader once mentioned it in a DorothyL post, and I just laughed--and probably grinned--because surely she was wrong. So I went to my work-in-progress and searched for grins. OMG, I write the happiest mysteries in the world. Everybody was grinning all the time! So I now watch for that one, at least. Lord only knows what my characters are doing now.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Charlaine.."just" seems to just (oops) appear...I know I NEVER write it..

And TOni, I know! Grinning.--in real life, people rarely do it. Why is it so tempting?