Since I moved to California, people have asked if I'm English (answer: nearly), Swedish (answer: it's dyed), Irish (answer: close but no Guinness) and German (answer: huh?). No one has ever asked if I'm Scottish. In fact, a few have even argued with me: "You don't sound Scottish." "I'm from the same city as Sean Connery." "Isn't he Irish?" "Argh."
Most often though people say: "I thought you were British." I say: "I am." Then there's a puzzled silence and so begins the great Scotland, England, Wales, Northern Ireland, Southern Ireland, Great Britain, United Kingdom explainathon. As follows:
Ireland is Canada, Europe is Mexico, Britian is the USA, Scotland is New England, Wales is Hawaii, Northern Ireland is Alaska, the 49th parallel is the Irish Sea . . . it couldn't be simpler. Puerto Rico is Gibralter, the Virgin Islands are the Falkland Islands . . . okay, so it could be simpler.
And maybe, just maybe, it's about to get a lot simpler.
Some history: Scotland and England joined in 1707. there was a . . . skirmish . . . in 1745, then a quiet spell, and Scots have been muttering about independence pretty much non-stop since 1880. Or in domestic terms: they've been married for 300 years and considering divorce for 140 of them. Not a fairytale romance, clearly.
Bless you, Awkward Family photos.com
The latest bout of indie fever kicked off in 2011 and I found myself cast as constitutional law expert and chief tea-leaf reader for my new American friends.
"It'll never happen," I said. "Unless they extend the vote to 16yr olds, who're all Braveheart daft. Ha ha. No way."
Guess what? They've extended the vote to 16 yr olds.
"It'll never happen,' I said. "England won't give up the North Sea oil revenue and Scotland couldn't survive without it."
Guess what? Scotland gets 80+% of the oil money for keepsies.
"It'll never happen," I said. "Not without a UK government in London that's less popular than a raw chicken leg at a moonlight barbecue. With ebola dipping sauce. And a side of roach."
Guess what? I'm not getting into politics here chez les femmes fatales.
So, I'm really begininng to think that in a few years I might be saying: "No, Scottish. Nope, not even close. None of the above. Scottish, that's me."
Until then, though, I'll just agree that I'm pretty much English, Swedish, Irish, German and British. It's easier that way.
Seriously, German? With a name like McPherson?
Thanks for the explanation.
Posted by: Karen in Ohio | January 23, 2013 at 05:27 AM
I know. I can't account for it. But then I think everyone in California who's from "country", as someone put it, sounds Southern. (The guy who said "country" also said - hilariously - "They're not country. They've got a fountain in their yard." I'm just sorry I can't use the line in a Dandy Gilver.)
Posted by: Catriona | January 23, 2013 at 10:14 AM
I've changed the title of the blog - after realising that the original only made sense inside my head (where the pixies live). And it's only January . . .
Posted by: Catriona | January 23, 2013 at 10:33 AM
I almost had it until you got to Puerto Rico being Gibraltar.
Posted by: Eileen Rendahl | January 23, 2013 at 11:35 AM