Kitchen Help

By Elaine Viets

That’s the cover to "Fixing to Die," my November 2013 Josie Marcus Mystery Shopper mystery. In "Fixing to Die" Josie and her new husband, Ted Scottsmeyer, are fixing up their home. I need your help with the remodeling.

Each Josie book has a mystery shopping theme. I wanted to write about remodeling bathrooms. Don and I had remodeled a 1905 brick two-family flat in St. Louis. A lot of our money went down that bathroom drain.

The toilet stopped up if you looked at it cross-eyed. The neighborhood plumber not only knew our address, he knew the previous owners by their first names. They did not have indoor plumbing in their homeland, and regarded the commode as a garbage disposal.

The bathroom’s crumbling plaster walls were papered with exuberant blue flowers. The clawfoot bathtub was painted, then decorated with those same giant blue flowers. The toenails on the tub’s claw feet were manicured blue. I stripped the paint and wallpaper off the tub.

 One weekend, the tub leaked into the globe light of the bathroom below us. The couple downstairs demanded to know what we were going to do.

"Would you like a couple of goldfish for the bowl?" Don asked.

There was more. Enough to write an entire book about bathrooms, but my editor nixed the idea. "Toilets don’t look good on book covers," she said.

Oh. Right.

"How about a cute kitchen?" she said.

"There is nothing cute about kitchens," I said. "They are sweatshops."

"You’re so funny," she said.

"I’m not kidding. I don’t cook. I once burned boil-in-the-bag lima beans. I don’t know anything about kitchens. What am I going to do?"

"Research," she said.

Before I set foot in an actual kitchen, I trolled the Internet and found the impossible: A cute kitchen.

I discovered Pam Kueber’s Retro Renovation blog, www.RetroRenovation.com.

Mid-century kitchens are all the rage. Being a mid-century person, real mid-century kitchens held little appeal for me. Mainly because they had tired mid-century mothers and squalling mid-century babies. Also, washing the mid-century Melmac was no treat. I didn’t realize it would be an antique.

But distance lends charm. I liked the mid-century kitchens on this site. Especially this renovation by Carrie. She restored this kitchen for $6,000 and told her story here. http://tinyurl.com/at64cfv  These are Carrie’s photos. I wrote to Pam and Carrie and asked if Josie could have this kitchen. They agreed.

I also discovered Web sites and whole stores devoted to mid-century antiques, furniture, appliances and more.
Now I need your help with the remodeling. Tell me your kitchen remodeling story. If I use it in the book, I’ll send you an autographed copy of "Fixing to Die." Gentlemen, if you don’t read cozies, your mothers, wives or sweethearts would love this book. 

Please send me your struggles with stoves, wiring, plumbing,  cabinets, painting, even the kitchen sink. Especially the kitchen sink.

                                                                        ***

Send your kitchen renovation stories to eviets@aol.com 

Comments

[Karen in Ohio]

Elaine, I was a professional kitchen designer for a time. If you'd like to run any details by me, let me know.

[Elaine Viets]

Thanks, Karen. Good to know. What do you think of Josie's kitchen?

[Karen in Ohio]

It's beautiful! But a lot of extra work. Not everyone has a handy hubby and TEN kids to help out!

It might be way more difficult to find steel cabinets that are new (and easier to install than trying to fit disparate sizes and manufacturers together). There are ways to make it look like a retro kitchen, though, without using them.

[Elaine Viets]

Good to know. Don and I can barely change the lightbulbs.

[Donna Andrews]

My parents' cat--an indoor outdoor cat, decades ago--had a fixed routine. Whenever he came in, he would run to the utility room to see if more food had magically appeared in his bowl. If he came in the front door, he'd run down the hall and make a sharp left when he got into the kitchen--so sharp a left that his fur would brush the cabinets as he passed.

Until my mother had the kitchen redone. There came a day when the new cabinets were in, but the old ones weren't going to be hauled away until morning. The workmen lined up the old cabinets against one side of the narrow, galley kitchen, not quite touching the pristine new cabinets, and left for the day.

A little later, Mom let the cat in, watched him scamper toward the kitchen--perhaps she even called out a useless warning--and then she heard the thud as he hit the side of the old cabinet that was now blocking his familiar trail.

The poor cat never quite learned to trust that new kitchen. (But Mom loved it.)

[Elaine Viets]

I like that story, Donna. Sounds like something that could happen to Harry.

[Storyteller Mary]

I've never remodeled, just moved . . . but in this house I have much more cabinet space and cork floors . . . so easy on the feet. I took a sample with me to the dentist's yesterday, because I heard they were considering new floors.
Also, I just saw a news segment on rip-off contractors . . . taking deposits and never doing the work . . .

[Elaine Viets]

Lucky you, Mary. Josie and I envy you that cabinet space.

[catriona mcpherson]

I've got that pink pyrex bowl! And the toaster! Stupidly, I left behind my hoosier cabinet in Scotland thinking I could pick one up here for a song. Hm. Elaine, if you have a demodelling sub-plot, I'm your man. Taking off cabinet doors and replacing with barkcloth curtains is my way with a kitchen.

[Undermount kitchen sinks]

Thank you for sharing this post. I found it very informative and helpful. My wife wants me to remodel our kitchen and I am in the process of doing so. It is not easy but the right products and tools I think I can give her what she wants.

[Elaine Viets]

Dear Sir Undermount,
The pros love DYI husbands. It's their main source of income. Pay a contractor and save your marriage.

[Elaine Viets]

Catriona, I may bring you in as a consultant in my own useless kitchen, which is actually a tea brewing station.

[Marcia Talley]

I have seen inside Elaine's fridge and I can attest to the fact that the woman does not cook. Tell us your post-hurricane insurance story, Elaine! Always makes me LOL.

[Elaine Viets]

The storm turned off the power, and we lost a carton of eggs and a frozen swordfish steak, along with ketchup, mustard and salad dressing. The insurance guy asked if $200 would cover the loss. I truthfully said it would. I doubt if the contents of the fridge for its lifetime added up to that much.

[Karen in Ohio]

Heavens! Do you and Don eat every meal out?

That is truly funny. You could probably make do with one of those RV fridges.

[Elaine Viets]

Not every meal, but lots. Last night's dinner was scrambled eggs and a baked potato. I make very good eggs. Tonight it's take out from the local Chinese restaurant. It's authentic. The owners/cooks are from Beijing.

[Sandra Zak]

Hi Elaine. StL here. Everything that can go wrong, will. We have an old house in the CWE and when we purchased it, everything needed to be done. House did not even have ac. I acted as the general contractor for most projects, all of which had to go to the studs. (or in our case, lath) All new electrical and/or plumbing. The reoccurring theme: However long ANYONE tells you the project will take, double that and add a few more weeks. Just finished the new Josie Marcus on Saturday. Good twist. Always looking forward to a new Viets!

[Elaine Viets]

Hi, Sandra. You are right. Take the estimated time and double it. Ditto for the estimated cost. Glad you enjoyed "Murder Is a Piece of Cake."

[staining wood]

Wow, thanks a lot for sharing this! So many great ideas! I love the old fashioned bathtub and I'd get one but we only have one showed in the house. I also love the hardwood floor in the kitchen, especially the pattern. Our house actually came with a carpeted kitchen which I don't like because food ends up on it. So my husband and I are replacing it with hardwood and we'll be using a staining wood product to give the floor the color we want as well as save money and do it ourselves.

[Dana Cameron]

Elaine, great cover! The trauma of remodelling a kitchen stays with you, no matter how smoothly it goes. Twelve years after we did it, we still think of it as "newly redone," and give careful thought to doing anything else on such a scale. The scars are too deep!

[Elaine Viets]

I'm with you on kitchen carpet, Mrs. Wood. Talk about a grease-catcher. Good luck with your remodeling.

[Elaine Viets]

I'm with you, Dana. We did some paint and electrical work when we moved into our condo, which we think of as yesterday. We were surprised to find out it's been more than 7 years. You can't spackle over those remodeling scars.