Aw, yes — New Year’s resolutions. Proof that hope exists in even the most cynical among us. How else could we genuinely expect to accomplish what we have never managed to achieve before? It puts me in awe of the human spirit that we really believe we’ll do it this time.
My own resolutions are simple. I dropped some weight in 2012. In 2013, I vowed to keep it off. I didn’t manage it completely, though I only gained back a bit of it. Naturally, I’m resolving to knock those extra pounds off now. It amuses me that I can feel I succeeded by just failing a little.
I joined a gym in 2013, and I’ve been going once or twice a week. That’s not enough to make a dent in my soft state, however. This year I’d like to up my weekly average. I’d also like to begin eating healthier. After the holiday excesses I’ve indulged in, that should be easy to nail. Anything would be healthier than the junk I’ve been piling in.
I also have some work resolutions, of course, and others in the areas of my relationships and personal life. I always assumed that most of us choose similar resolutions. I don’t mean my exact ones. But I figured that we all want to eliminate some bad habits, create better ones, and achieve some goals that matter to us.
But I Googled “New Year’s resolutions,” and I discovered that people create a wider range of resolutions than I thought, some decidedly offbeat. Let me share a few that I found interesting:
“I want to be more manly.” I felt sorry for the poor guy who resolved that, wondering what lousy things people said to him to make him feel however manly he happened to be wasn’t enough. Then again, maybe it was a woman determined to finally crash through the glass ceiling.
“Get my photo taken in five interesting places.” Ooh! Good one. Inherent within that is the need to visit at least five interesting places every year. I might consider adding that to my own list if I could free up more travel days.
“My resolution is to become an alcoholic hobo.” You gotta love the love the maverick spirit brought to that person’s resolution process. My first hangover, many decades ago, ruled out that possibility for me. Not going there again, even for an adventurous life of riding the rails. Hobos still do that, right?
“Watch more cute and cuddly kitten videos on YouTube.” Obviously written by someone with more time than I have, or a stronger determination to avoid work.
“Start washing my hands after I use the restroom.” Ewww. If you have to resolve that, you should definitely make sure you succeed with it. Especially if you work in a restaurant.
“I will try to figure out why I really need nine email addresses.” That’s one I should add to my own list, instead of believing that by spreading email around, I make it less burdensome. Anyway, I don’t have nine, I have…too many.
“I resolve to stop exercising — it’s a waste of time.” Since I’ve nailed that most years, I think I pretty much have to go the other way now, if only to make the gym membership pay off. But once again, I admire the irreverent approach.
“Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing.” That’s not a resolution, it’s a great first line for a madcap mystery novel!
Happy New Year, everyone!
How about you? What resolutions have you made? Do they fall more on the ordinary side or the unusual?