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March 12, 2018


Elaine Viets

The worst part about posting on the Net is it's hard to regulate your tone. I try to avoid posting any personal information to avoid the advice seekers.

Barb Goffman

This. So much this. I get so tired of unsolicited advice. I'm not a stupid person. Usually the information provided is information I already have or could have gotten if I'd wanted it. And then there are the people who try to shame you for talking about your problems because others have it worse. I saw it recently with a meme telling people without power because of the nor'easter to essentially get over it because many people in Puerto Rico haven't had power in months. And that is true, but just because someone else has problems worse than yours doesn't mean you are not allowed to feel bad about or talk about your own problems, especially on your own page. (Just don't complain directly about your problem to someone who has the exact same problem way worse than yours.) Okay, I'm off to take some deep breaths.

Keenan Powell

Thing is, these conversations are just like you would hear amongst office workers every day. There is something deeply ingrained in human nature that drives it.

Leslie Budewitz

Spot on, Donna! There's another variation I encountered recently:
If you ask for suggestions, accept them graciously, or ignore them in silence, even if you think they're awful and have no intention of following them!


Agreed, Elaine--it's happened to us all: we think we're being madly funny, and it falls flat and insults someone.

Barb and Keenan--yes. There is something in human nature that just drives us to annoy the Dickens out of each other. With every good intention.

And yes, Leslie--if I ASK I won't complain about getting advice. Even if I don't like the advice I get.


Good points, Donna. I've learned the hard way about the perils if trying to "help" someone who doesn't want to be helped. And I'm practicing not getting caught up in what someone termed the "feedback loop". If I get advice I asked for, I (try to) refrain from telling the advice giver what I think of it. And I make an effort to keep my personal business out of the workplace so no co-workers are tempted to tell me how to conduct my personal business


I've learned that when I complain about Amazon's poor customer service for us non-Prime members, I have to include the disclaimer that I will never join Prime as long as they treat the rest of us like second class citizens. All I want to do is complain that Amazon had taken 10 days to ship me something that is in stock. I don't want to hear how giving Amazon more money to treat me like a real customer is the answer to all my ills.

Sandra Parshall

Some advice-givers are so persistent that they keep sending private messages even after being told their advice isn’t suitable or useful. They are certain that they know best. I had to send one woman a private message reading STOP IT. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE. Nevertheless, she persisted. 😄 She finally gave up when I ignored her.

Deb Romano

Donna, I feel like you eavesdropped on a conversation I had with one of my sisters yesterday about unsolicited advice! We are in agreement with you! About a dozen years ago I was going through some serious spine issues. I'm fortunate enough to live in an area where I have access to excellent doctors of all specialties. I took the advice given by my doctors (it included surgery) and eventually recovered. I'm pleased with the care I received. None of this stopped people from offering unsolicited advice, including "don't have surgery"; "don't have THAT kind of surgery!"; "don't have surgery in THAT hospital"; " you know, you're not obligated to listen to your doctor", and so forth. I came very close to having tee-shirts and buttons made up, stating "if you are not one of my doctors, then I have definitely NOT asked for your advice, and I never will, so don't waste your breath!" I don't understand why people would assume I not done my homework ahead of time. I knew I was doing the right thing and was insulted by the comments. I know that people usually mean well, but, gee...I'm glad I wasn't on Facebook!


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