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Femmes at Bouchercon

I didn't get a picture of Charlaine Harris on the sex panel--yes, "THE WAY OF ALL FLESH: Sex Scenes and the Mystery Writer"--but at left is a photo of Mary Saums (moderator), Dana Cameron, Elaine Viets, Toni L.P. Kelner, and me, at our Thursday afternoon panel, "AMATEUR SEX AND PROFESSIONAL VIOLENCE: Action and the Amateur Sleuth." Alas, fellow Femmes Julie Wray Herman, Marlys Millhiser, and Kris Neri couldn't make Bouchercon this year, but they were missed. (With thanks to Dina Willner for taking the photo.)

Oink, Oink. A Posting We Shall Go

I belong to a number of Internet discussion groups, most book related. One such group exists to discuss the mysteries we read and all thing mysterious, which over the past few years has grown to include just about anything in our lives. We've celebrated births, adoptions, job changes and book deals, commiserated through illness, death and divorce -- and currently are planning how to best throw a virtual celebration for the first wedding among our number.

We also take note of Authors Behaving Badly. (Yes, there is a tie-in to previous posts) One ListHog in particular has entertained us for weeks.

There are some people who just cannot bear to see a digest go out without the sound of their keyboard hammering in our ears. They send in two, three, or more posts in one day. ListHogs see every topic introduced to the discussion as an opportunity to brag about imagined successes. The really funny thing is that I didn't notice ListHog had joined one of my favorite lists at first. (I tend to skim over large digests and pick up on subjects in which I have an interest.) I'd left one of ListHog's panels at a conference once, knowing I never wanted to share space with this clueless schmuck again, then headed for the book room and searched out the books of authors who had not made a point of insulting their audience. So while I laughed at the remarks being bandied about concerning this author, I was hesitant to actually spend valuable time looking at worthless comments. Some form of sick fascination made me take a peek at one self-involved post.

And now I can't look away.

This person seems hell-bent on committing career suicide post after post after post. ListHog uses sloppy writing in these transparently promotional posts, as if this is a recommendation for the books. No matter the topic, all of ListHog's posts tie in to their favorite subject: Me. Me. Me. The really creepy thing is that they don't realize what they are doing. This person actually believes their own drivel.

Lots of people read these public lists. Only a special few abuse them. It's right out there for all of us to watch.

Think about it. Is that really how you want people to see you?

The Rare Bad Bookseller

Kris wrote about writers who cut their own throats by making the bookseller's job impossible. As long as the Femmes are venting, I'll add my two cents about the rare bad bookseller. You'll notice  (PLEASE notice) that I even included the word "rare" in the title of the piece, because most booksellers are great people: knowledgeable, enthusiastic, and efficient. And they're courteous enough to want guests in their store to be happy; a little pat on the back about getting a book published at all, a bottle of water, a comfortable chair, an ink pen. For most writers, that's enough.

But there are other booksellers, and I've come across one or two. Understand, I've had lots of time to meet lots of booksellers: this is my twenty-fifth year in the business.

The Contemptuous Bookseller

Every now and then, when I go to a signing, I'm in the store of a person who hates my books. Not only does this bookseller not read my work, which is actually okay by me -- you can't read every book that crosses  the shop's threshold --but this bookseller has absolute contempt for my work. And tells me so, in various ways. This is justified in the seller's mind by saying, "I only read Michael Connelly and George Pellecanos," or "A lot of women buy your stuff." (And there's something wrong with that?) I hate to stereotype, but every bookseller I've run across in this category was a male. Maybe women who feel the same way are just too polite to say so -- which is fine by me.

The Comparative Bookseller

Now, this is painful. A couple of times I've been to an event, usually at a large chain store, where the public-events person has been at pains to tell me that another writer in my genre drew larger crowds than I have that night. Ouch. There's simply nothing you can say in response to that observation, other than, "I'm so happy for X." One particular store employee was so sure I'd want this information that she told me twice. Maybe she thought I could run out of the store and tackle a few more people to come in, or that I was keeping the real crowd away by some means.

The Vanishing Bookseller

This happened more at the beginning of my career than it does now, but you'll notice I haven't forgotten it. The bookseller points you to your chair, which has been set up in the center of the store but out of the line of sight of any of the employees, and then the bookseller leaves. And there you sit, with no company but your little pile of books, for an hour and a half or however long your designated signing time is, and you don't see a soul except the man who wants to know where the bathroom is. At the end of one of these signings, I just got up and left the store at the end of my gig, not speaking to anyone. From the point of view of that bookseller, Big Deal. I hadn't sold any books, and I didn't deserve any attention, I suppose. But you know, that situation can change in the course of a career. Will I go back to that store? No.

I've signed books at stores where I didn't even make back the seller's investment in cookies and drinks, and yet the bookseller was courtesy personified. That's a classy bookseller. I've signed at stores where another writer's line was going out the door and I got her runoff -- but I was treated with the same consideration by the staff. Those are the stores you ask your publicist to put on your tour list, if it's possible.  (That's another blog.)

I can't emphasize enough that such rudeness -- and frankly, poor business sense -- is rare, but I never forget it when I experience it. I'm not vindictive enough to put such booksellers on some kind of black list, but I also won't return to such a store. And if another writer asks me about the store . . . I'll tell her. I don't think that should stop writers from visiting these stores, but at least they'll be forewarned.

A table, some copies of my book, some water, an ink pen, and a "Hello, we're glad you're here," are enough to keep me, and most other writers, perfectly happy.

Authors Behaving Badly

by Kris

As Charles Manson once said, "Are people weird, or am I just crazy?" Call me naïve, but as an author myself, I assumed other authors must interact with booksellers as courteously as I do. I've  always believed intelligence and unusual sensitivity to be typical traits among those who write. For the most part I've found that to be true. But in my time as a bookseller, I've discovered that, for a fairly substantial minority, common sense among authors is not as common as you might think.

So here are a just a few of the no-no's I've observed that the authors among you, and those who hope to be, might want to avoid:

* Don't threaten the bookseller. Even before we opened our doors, someone wrote to say, "I have many friends in that area, and I'm going to send them all to your store to buy my books. But if you don't carry them, they'll never shop there again." Now I like threats as much the next person, but that one got my back up. I decided they would sell snow cones in hell before we'd carry those books. To date, nobody has asked for one.

* Don't expect the bookseller to take a financial loss for you. This advice is directed to the self-published and those published by presses that don't offer traditional terms to the trade. Someone emailed us recently to say she was published by a small press and asked if we could host an appearance for her. I told her to send a copy of the book, and I mentioned if wasn't available through traditional outlets, she would have to provide it on consignment at a 40% discount. For a store to take less means they must sell that book at a loss.

The "small press" turned out to be iUniverse, a self-publishing outlet that only offers 20% discount and doesn't allow for book returns — two conditions that make it impossible for most stores to carry them. Still, the book was well written. But when I offered to give her an appearance, she thought it was time for negotiations. "I just bought a $32,000 truck," she wrote, "I can't give you 40%. I need to make money from this book."

Okay, let me take a moment here to laugh my butt off at that idea. I wish I could say this was an isolated case, but it's happened too many times. They always seem to enjoy a more lavish lifestyle than I do and they act as if I'm unreasonable for not being willing to subsidize it (How can one universe have so many centers?) And it's always for a book that people are not breaking down the door to get. Every spot on a bookstore shelf is a space that could just as easily go to someone else. When it's a book of marginal interest, that's a gift. If they have any issue with anyone, it should be with publishers who aren't professional enough to understand how other books are sold, and price and sell their books accordingly.

* If the store needs something from you to insure your event will be a success, don't make it impossible for the bookseller to get it. One of our local newspapers will only run artwork that's of fairly high resolution. Often when we manage to line up prominent coverage in the local paper, I have to ask the author for high resolution artwork, because what's on their website is too low. Yet too often the author who was so eager to book the date will say, "Can't you get it somewhere else? I don't have time to do that for you." For me? I could just as easily transfer that coverage to the author appearing the next day. Every author should actually have a media page on their website, with good quality cover art, photos and easy-to-use biographical information. But too few do. You know who to contact at your publisher, I don't. If a publicist set up the gig, naturally, I would contact her for what I need. But if an author sets it up, who else am I supposed to ask when I need something? Why wouldn't you make it easy for me?  Sometimes I suspect their resistance stems from the fact that they don't understand what I'm asking for. If you don't know what "high resolution" means, ask someone. Why cut yourself off from free publicity because you're too embarrassed to admit you're techno-phobic?

* If you don't read, keep your mouth shut. I assumed that, like me, everyone who writes is also a reader. Man, was I wrong! Incredibly strong numbers of published authors display no interest in any book without their own names on the cover. Okay, that's their business, and in my opinion, their loss. But why would anyone who hopes to sell copies of their books share that fact with the members of their audience. Yet they brag about it, displaying superior contempt for those who are so uncool as to still read. Then they're surprised when those uncool people don't choose to buy their book.

Maybe that's why so few authors buy books in the stores in which they appear. What would they do with them?

* Don't tell them where they can buy books cheaper. Some authors who do read will note for their audience all the covers of books in our bestseller section that they have read. But they don't stop there. Oh, no. They share how much less they paid for those books in Costco, the supermarket or used on Amazon. And then they're surprised when someone asks how little their book is going for used on the internet.

* Don't treat a bookstore like it's a free swap meet. A surprising number of authors have discovered that they would make more money selling copies of their books direct to the store's customers. We learned that the hard way, when an author seized a moment alone with a customer to sell her own copy of her book for cash. But we're still surprised by how many need a reality check. A bookstore has fixed overhead expenses and also invests a considerable sum into every store event. Naturally we all hope for good sales during the event, but when it doesn't happen, that doesn't justify the author trying to pick a few bucks from the bookseller's pocket. All that guarantees is that you'll never get another signing at that store, and that your books will be shipped back immediately, robbing you of the sales of those signed copies might have garnered after the event.

Well…you get the idea. Authors should display the same level of courtesy to booksellers that they show in every other area of their lives. And if they aren't polite and considerate — they should learn how to do be.

Please understand that most of the authors who visit our store are great! They're considerate, fun and they see booksellers as their partners in the book-selling process. But the numbers of rude, thoughtless authors are higher than I would have imagined. Wouldn't you think that, if they aren't naturally courteous, they'd be more practical? It's hard to get published, hard to stay published. Why sabotage the efforts of the people who stand between you and your readers? Some days I think it would just be easier to sell "Authors Behaving Badly" videos on late night TV.

Izzard, Black, DeGeneres, oh my!

MARLYS

I envy other Femmes their lust for music and song. Unless it’s in a minor key, it’s torture for me. As a mom, I sat through flute, saxophone, piano, and band practice and performance with a smile on my face and teeth agrit. Sometimes tears on my cheeks weren’t all due to parental pride. On two-day car trips to visit grandparents, when the only noise came from savage disagreements in the back seat or whatever the car radio picked up, I discovered reading Steven King aloud stunned children into silence and kept the driver wide-eyed awake. We had some nightmare problems but . . . .

Within the last decade I’ve found my own addiction and I can drive others from the room. I enjoy a funny movie. yet rarely want to see it again. Through the wonders of the Comedy Channel, HBO, and DVD’s I can watch and hear the wizardry of Eddie Izzard and Lewis Black over and over again. Ellen DeGeneres (not enough of her on DVD and I’m not into daytime TV.) How the mood can switch from sincerely serious to sudden hilarity in a second. Talk about talented story telling! Just one person standing up there surprising, shocking, and lying to you in wondrous detail using only words and expressions and sometimes creative movements–these people are geniuses. I actually see the scenes they describe without actors and scenery. They don’t even need music. I stand in awe.

I’ve been wrestling with words a good part of the day. At the computer, chasing the cat, at the grocery store–you never know when a long-sought answer to a plotting problem will decide to present itself. (People stare at you furtively, avoid you on the next isle, while you panic trying to leave yourself the long sought answer on the back of the grocery list before it’s gone, mumbling key words over and over. Trust me, you don’t dare even smile at their children after that. Key words for a mystery can get you arrested or "under surveillance," as well they should.

My main complaint, you knew there’d be one, is it’s so hard to find these standup comics on DVD. And yes, I tape them when the Comedy Channel does a Presents but this is a serious addiction and those tapes get reused. I have the complete set of Monte Python, the sketches are great but I prefer the stand up standing alone. I quit smoking years ago, but this addiction is really scarey. I sleep better if I can laugh out loud. I’m a great fan of John Stewart and Steven Colbert. I have a collection of performances of the young comedians in the standup comedy clubs before they became icons (got their own sitcoms)–Sandler, Seinfeld, Romano, Tim Allen. I prefer the Redneck boys standing-up rather than doing sketches with supporting actors. I have some of the Latinos. I like the young Wanda Sykes. Much of black humor is too degrading to women, especially black women. It makes comedy sad. I’ve got a complete set of George Carlin (talk about word-play). If you can get it on Amazon, US or Brittan, I’ve got it. I just have the feeling there’s more and I’m googling wrong or something.

I guess what I want to know is--anybody else have this problem? What am I overlooking? It’s probably so obvious I can’t see it. You hear about these people touring. Once during each tour using the same material, isn’t it recorded for sale to standup junkies? And if not, why not?

Bullitin! Two Bill Hicks DVD’s just arrived from England! Of course he’s been dead for twelve years. So I still need help.

Finding the one true agent

By Donna

I got an email from an aspiring writer today, and since she was asking a question published writers hear rather often, I thought I'd answer it here on the blog.  That way, lazy dog that I am, the next time someone asks me the same question, I can just send them a link.

The question was: "How do I go about finding a legitimate, reliable literary agent?  Do you have a web site or name you would be willing to share?"

Well, yes and no. 

No, I don't have the magic answer.  There's no site that will tell an aspiring writer "Here's exactly how YOU can find your one true agent."  And I don't happen to know the name of an agent who's looking for precisely the kind of book you've written, whatever that is.  Or an agent to whom I can say, "So-and-so is a fabulous writer--you should sign her!" and have it happen.  Believe me, if I knew a tame agent, a couple of very deserving unpublished writers would be in print by now.

But I can tell you how I would go about finding an agent if I were doing it all over again-- a combination of how I actually found an agent, lo these many years ago and what I'd do if I knew then what I know now and had the resources then that exist now.  Like a few of the websites that do give you a lot of help.  I wouldn't rely on websites alone, but if I were starting out, I'd certainly use them. 

When I was starting my search, I got a couple of the directories you can find in the reference section of the bookstore or library.  Writers Digest publishes an updated Guide to Literary Agents each year, as does Jeff Herman.  Using these directories, I extracted a list of all the agents who said they represented mysteries. 

This is an important step.  The best agent in the world can't help you if he or she doesn't like the kind of book you write and doesn't know the editors who publish that kind of book.  So if you're writing a mystery, it isn't necessarily useful if you're trapped in an elevator with John Updike and persuade him to introduce you to his agent.  Unless his agent represents mysteries as well as literary fiction, which is possible--but you should find that out before you bribe the building engineer to sabotage the elevator.

Nowadays, in addition to the directories, you can use a recently established website called Agentquery.  It looks like a fairly good site, with not only agent listings but also sound advice on the agent-finding process.  One caveat: It's fairly new, and I don't yet have any authoritative information on how comprehensive it is.  I plugged in my agent's name and all the names I could remember of my friends' agents and they were all there, but I'm not sure how rigorous a test that is, so you might want to doublecheck your results against one of the printed agent directories.

And if an agent's listing on Agentquery or in the directories says something like "This agent does not currently accept unsolicited queries"--well, I suppose you could still query, but your odds aren't good. They're not in the market for new clients, or at least not unpublished ones.

Once I had a list of agents who represented mystery and were open to queries, I started finding out more about who they represented, apart from the few famous clients they listed in the directories.  I made a list of my favorite authors--especially the ones who wrote books similar to mine.  And then I looked in the the acknowledgments of their books to see if they thanked their agents--the majority do.

Again, there are more modern ways to do this that didn't exist when I was hunting.  (Damn, but that makes me sound ancient.  It wasn't even a decade ago, but thanks to the Internet, a lot has changed.)  Many authors list their agents on their websites--Google your favorites and see.  Another very interesting and useful resource is Publishers Marketplace, which in addition to the information on its site, puts out a daily email newsletter, Publishers Lunch, that covers the publishing business exhausively--including long lists of deals.  A typical Lunch deal report might read:

MY LIFE AS A MINION OF EVIL, a memoir by former Mordor inhabitant and retired orc Vuurk Gnashluk, to Peregrine Took, editor-in-chief of The Shire Press in a very nice deal, by Arwen Evenstar of the Grey Havens Literary Agency.

Look at all the information that gives!  The author's name--if Vuurk is one of your favorites, now you know who his editor and agent are.  And even how much he got paid, in a general way: a very nice deal in Lunch-talk means between $50,000 and $99,000.  Deals range from nice through very nice, good, significant, and major, which is over $500,000.  Don't worry; they tell you how to translate this whenever they report deals.

Read enough of these and you get a good idea which agents are earning their keep in your chosen genre.  There's a free version of Publishers Lunch that gives you a small selection of deals, and a full verion that costs $20 a month.  Though if you can't bear the idea of getting even more email, they sell a book with all the previous year's deals.  And if you're really serious about your search, the $20 a month fee also gives you access to a searchable deals database and a searchable database of what agents represent what authors. If I were actively hunting, I'd subscribe in a heartbeat.

Publishers Lunch also gives personnel news, which is one way you can learn that Arwen Evenstar recently left the Ringwraith Agency to form her own agency.  The conventional wisdom says that someone who is leaving a well-established agency to go into business for himself or herself is more likely to be looking for clients, and conventional wisdom could be right--I know several people who specifically targeted such new agencies and now have agents. 

When I was hunting, I also asked my published writer friends for advice.  But I was careful how I asked.  "Who is your agent and will you recommend me to him/her" is NOT the approach you want to take.  "How did you find your agent" is a good question to ask.  Most writers are willing to answer that--look at me, blogging at length about the subject.  It's also helpful to ask your friends if they've heard anything good or bad about any agents, and particularly if they've heard of any agents who are actively looking for new writers. 

I'd also pay attention to which agents attend the genre conferences and conventions.  Especially the conferences that offer one-on-one meetings with the agent--it seems reasonable that an agent's willingness to meet unpublished authors face-to-face that might indicate a greater openness to taking on new clients.

And then, just to be safe, I'd check all the agents on my list to make sure they aren't, well, crooks.  If an agent has been around for years, is representing some well-known writers, and pops up in Publishers Lunch doing nice, very nice, good, significant, and major deals, odds are he or she isn't a crook.  But sometimes newer writers have better luck with newer agents, who don't yet represent a lot of known writers and haven't popped up much on Publishers Lunch.  If that seems to be the case with some of the agents on your list, check them out.  Two useful sites for this: Writer Beware (sponsored by the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America) and the Bewares and Background Checks forum at Absolutewrite. From what I've heard, both sites are pretty rigorous about checking out reports of scams and problems to make sure it's not just a case of sour grapes. 

(Jenna Glatzer of Absolute Write has teamed up with Dan Steven, a publishing attorney, on a new book, The Street Smart Writer: Self-Defense Against Sharks and Scams in the Writing World.  I know Dan--he's a sharp and savvy member of our local MWA chapter, and will be teaming with Brenda Clough to give a presentation on this subject at the MWA Mid-Atlantic's upcoming Dying to Write conference [scroll down if you don't see the conference information immediately].  So I have a copy of the book on order so I can check it out as a resource for my aspiring writer friends.)

Getting back to the agent hunt--you should also make sure your agent is a member of the AAR (Association of Authors' Representatives).  It’s a nonprofit organization for agents, and requires its members to comply with a rigorous code of ethics.   For one thing--and this is important--an AAR member agent may not charge a reading fee.

What's wrong with reading fees?  Well, there may be some very honest agents who feel they must charge a fee to cover the cost of their time spent reading a manuscript.  But the AAR--and here I'm quoting from their website--"believes that the practice of literary agents charging clients or potential clients for reading and evaluating literary works (including outlines, proposals, and partial or complete manuscripts) is subject to serious abuse that reflects adversely on our profession. For that reason, the AAR prohibits its members from charging reading fees."

The general rule is that the money flows down--from the publisher through the literary agent to the writer.  If an agent--or for that matter, a publisher--asks for money up front, in the form of a reading fee, that might be a clue that you're about to get scammed.  Look elsewhere.

(Agents who are AAR members usually mentions this fairly prominently on their websites and in their directory entries; look for it.)

And that's how I'd go about finding a legitimate, reliable literary agent.  In fact, a whole list of them.  Yes, it's a lot of work, but it's worth it. 

"What next," the aspiring writer will probably ask.  "So now I have a list of agents who are honest, hardworking AAR members and represent some of my favorite writers, or at least some people whose books I've actually heard of and seen in the stores.  That's nice, but what am I supposed to do now?" 

Hey, she asked how to find legitimate, reliable literary agents.  Landing them's fodder for whole 'nother blog. 

Happy birthday, Dad

Yesterday was my father's 90th birthday. Would have been, rather.  He died on October 28, 2004, a few weeks after his 88th birthday, but I still mix up the tenses sometimes when I'm talking about him.  And I do tend to talk about him rather often, since he's the real-life inspiration for Meg Langslow's father in my series from St. Martins.

When I created Meg's father, I tried to make him very different from my own.  I made him short and plump and balding--Dad was 6'2" before age began to shrink him, and I don't really think he ever became plump, despite decades of Mom's cooking, and he kept his hair to the end.  He was a marine biologist, not a physician like Dr. Langslow.  Instead of Meg's dad's passion for mysteries, Dad had a lifelong passion for opera, and for French literature and culture. 

But what I did steal from Dad to give to Meg's dad was the core of passionate enthusiasm for whatever he was interested in at the time. My friends have all heard me tell about when Dad read Andre Maurois's Lelia, a biography of George Sand.  I read the book myself, in self-defense; so when Dad began reading me passages--we have always been a family of readers aloud--I could say "Yeah, Dad, I read it, remember?"  And then, one day, while Mom and my brother, Stuart, and I were talking at the dinner about something--family stuff, school stuff, neighborhood stuff; who knows what?--Dad seized a microsecond's pause in the conversation and said, with great enthusiasm: "So--speaking of George Sand!"

It's that zeal that I gave Meg's Dad.  It made Dad a lot of fun to have around.  It makes Meg's dad a lot of fun to have in the books. And it gets him--and by extension, Meg--into the kind of trouble that helps make the plots happen.

Mom read Murder with Peacocks, my first book, in manuscript, but Dad waited until I arrived home for Thanksgiving with a copy of the ARC to show off.  I guess it finally looked like a book to him.  After dinner, Mom and I sat down to talk and Dad disappeared into his den with the ARC.

A few minutes later he reappeared, holding up the book, with one finger stuck between the pages as a bookmark.

"Hey," he said, "This takes place in here in Yorktown!"

"Um, yeah," I said.  Had he somehow missed that part in the last few months when I'd babbled incessantly about my book, as first-time authors are prone to do?

He ambled back into his den.  A few minutes later he reappeared.

"She's got the way you hate coconut in there," he said to Mom, with a mischievous chuckle.  Then he disappeared again.

Mom and I looked at each other.

"Boy," I said finally--or maybe it was Mom.  "Won't he be surprised when Meg's dad shows up?"

He was a little dismayed, at first, to find that in some way he'd become a fictional character.  But after a while, he came to like the idea.  Began giving me material.  "Hey," he'd say.  "I did something today you're going to want to use!"

Of course, Meg's dad isn't Dad. In some ways, he gets less like Dad with each book.  He's been having his own adventures, different from Dad's.  And yet all too often, when I'm looking for inspiration for what Meg's dad will do in a situation, I find myself pulling out bits of Dad's character.  For example, from the eighth book, which will be out next year, and which will have penguins in the title, though we're still trying to decide exactly what that title will be:

A sudden wave of nostalgia hit me. Many of my fondest childhood memories were of Dad strolling into the kitchen or the living room holding a wild creature, dead or alive, to give us an impromptu biology lessons. Mice, voles, shrews, snakes, snapping turtles, rabbits, and bats from the back yard or the nearby woods, and an apparently endless supply of slightly flattened possums plucked from the highway. Most of the live animals would be trying to escape or to bite Dad--sometimes both at once--and invariably, if Mother was home, Dad's lectures would be punctuated by shrieks of "Get it out! Get that thing out of my house! Now!"

Once Dad had rounded up the largest possible audience--preferably all three kids plus any stray cousins or neighbors visiting that day--he'd adjourn to the backyard to continue his lesson, which invariably ended with someone taking a picture of Dad with his catch, followed by a trek to the woods to bury the dead animals or release the wild animals at a safe distance from any busy roads.

Taken from life.  The accompanying photo--not from the upcoming book--shows Dad on the grounds of Bayreuth, holding a recently deceased hedgehog.  First hedgehog any of us had seen, but most of us were content to contemplate it from a distance.  Not Dad.

I don't often base characters directly on real people.  In fact, I can only think of three characters that had a single, identifiable real-life model. Duck the duck; Spike, the small evil one; and Meg's dad.

Happy 90th, Dad.

What's in your bag?

By Dana

Since it is now fast approaching the fall conference and touring season, I thought I’d write about one of my principal survival techniques:  my black bag.  Sometimes known as the “go bag,” “bag of tricks,” and most frequently, “The Battle Bag,” it's a black, rip-stop nylon Mulberry over-the-shoulder zippered carry I picked up in London a couple of years ago.  The nylon is tough as nails, lighter than leather, and more discreet than a backpack.  Not only does it hold a ton of stuff (if necessary), but it fits under a plane seat, and can be folded up to nearly nothing and stashed in my main suitcase.  I wouldn’t dream of going to a conference without it.  When this bag gives up the ghost, it will get a Viking funeral. 

In keeping body and soul together on the road, it comes down to what I need for a panel or signing, toiletries and first-aid, and a few iron rations for when the restaurant is closed and the candy machine is out of order.  In addition to whatever I would normally carry in a pocketbook, The Battle Bag contains:

In a 8"x10” zippered pouch (textured, so I can find it without looking):

• Wooden picture easel (for promo materials or books at signings)
• My most recent book (for readings)
• Sign-up book and pens (this also has list of emergency questions for panels)
• A 19^th-century whiteware pottery sherd (for demonstrating how archaeologists look at things)
• Bookmarks  for Ashes and Bones, and promo fliers for Sugarplums and Scandals, the New England Crime Bake, and The Femmes Newsletter (but of course!)

In the small side pocket: 

• Breath mints in a small tin from Mysterious Galaxy Books
• Bottle of aspirin/Advil/Tylenol
• Decongestant (helps prevent sinus infections while flying)
• Vitamin C drops
• Bandaids
• Lipstick, compact, lip balm
• Comb, hair ties
• Power Bars, change for the soda machine, and chocolate.  (Sometimes a Power Bar and a Coke will keep you going just long enough to make the hotel after a desperately delayed flight.  Sometimes you just need a little soul food in the form of theobromine.)
• Hand cream and Purell (I’m not germ-phobic; this isn’t about shaking hands but nasty gas station bathrooms.)

In the main compartment:

• Map of wherever I am
• Very tiny camera—for blog fodder
• Pens—I stick to one color, so if someone has a book I’ve signed in a store, I can personalize it in the same color.
• Post-it notes or small notebook
• Tissues
• Conference schedule

This looks like a ton of stuff, but it’s a really a long list of a lot of small things.  As soon as I’m done with my event, panel, or talk, I can ditch the zippered pouch and lightens the bag considerably.  Yes, I’m over-prepared, but I got int the habit working for years in the middle of nowhere and having a two-hour commute, both ways, in graduate school.  (Because of the airline restrictions, I no longer carry my Swiss Army knife, a Gerber Multi-tool, or miniature flashlight, which is a shame.  Just the corkscrew alone is worth the weight, and some time I’ll tell you about my “Swiss Army manicure” technique.)

Let me know what you can’t live without on the road.  For me, The Battle Bag is an ever-evolving, ever more refined tool of the trade.

Laughing Matters

by Mary

Do you always read mysteries of a certain type, or do you flip back and forth between different categories? I'm a flipper. With so many great writers these days, I don't want to miss anything. Well, there are a few types I'd rather miss. No serial killers, child molesters, bloody torture manuals, and no lawyer books, thank you very much. Okay, one exception to the no lawyers rule - Solomon Vs. Lord by Paul Levine. Loved it. I tried it because reviewers compared it to the old TV show, Moonlighting. It has a few courtroom scenes, but it's really a comedy with a great story and endearing characters.

Whether my mood calls for a dark or light novel, I usually prefer one with a good sense of humor in the writing. Most cozies lean toward humor, so I read a lot of those. In police procedurals, my favorite funny copper is Reginald Hill's Andy Dalziel. Colin Cotterill's Dr. Siri books, about an elderly coroner in Laos, are thoroughly delightful and worlds away from the usual formula used in popular forensic novels. For over the top humor, the funniest book of the year has got to be Go To Helena Handbasket by Donna Moore. Donna uses hardboiled and cozy cliches in a hilarious spoof that is a must-read for all mystery fanatics. I laughed on every page.

On the darker side, some hardboiled and noir authors incorporate humor well. My favorite by far is the Irish wonder, Ken Bruen. His standalones and two series leave me laughing, crying, pondering life's deep sorrows and mysteries.

Bruen's Jack Taylor series, set in Galway, Ireland, follows the ex-Garda officer, who now is something of an amateur private eye, through his on-again, off-again relationship with alcohol. Overall, these have a bleak outlook, but they also contain oh-so-Irish splashes of humor and grace as he explores the changes in Jack and in Ireland itself.

Even better is Bruen's south London police ensemble series that features Sgt Brant, one helluva cop who does whatever it takes to get the bad guy. What makes him interesting is that sometimes Brant is worse than the bad guy. Full of surprises and wisecracks, violent and profane, he tops my list of favorite crime busters. And I do mean bust.

Bruen portrays south London as a very rough, crime-ridden place. I've recently discovered a musical group from south London who present quite a different aspect of the area and what it can produce other than criminals. Libera is a boys chorus, world-renowned for their updated versions of classic sacred music. If you haven't heard any of their recordings, they sound something like a mixture of Vienna Boys Choir, Enya, and Freddie Mercury. No lie. Freddie surely smiles down on them from heaven every time they sing. You might think their lush, uplifting music has nothing in common with the hard-edged Brant books. Actually, their recordings are quite like Bruen's lovely flashes of brilliance, when out of a depressed dark place there suddenly comes a rush of hope and great beauty. Libera does it with sound, Bruen with words, both like the voices of angels.

http://www.kenbruen.com

http://www.libera.org.uk

And check out this page which links to the first chapter of Donna Moore's book:

http://www.oivas.com/pointblank/handbasket.html

Congratulations to our contest winners!

Grand prize winner: Chanda Keith
who wins our fantastic grand prize, a basket of autographed books and goodies:
No Nest for the Wicket with a replica of one of the characters, from Donna Andrews
Ashes and Bones, from Dana Cameron
Definitely Dead, from Charlaine Harris
Three Dirty Women and the Shady Acres, from Julie Wray Herman
Wed and Buried, with a wedding troll, from Toni Kelner
Voices in the Wardrobe from Marlys Milhiser
Dem Bone's Revenge, from Kris Neri
When the Last Magnolia Weeps, from Mary Saums
Murder Unleashed, from Elaine Viets

Next-to-grand prize winner: Rupal Patel
who wins our almost as grand basket, featuring
No Nest for the Wicket, from Donna Andrews
Ashes and Bones, from Dana Cameron
Definitely Dead, from Charlaine Harris
Three Dirty Women and the Garden of Death, from Julie Wray Herman
Three Dirty Women and the Bitter Brew, from Julie Wray Herman
Mad as the Dickens, with a coal stocking, from Toni Kelner
Never Say Die, from Kris Neri
When the Last Magnolia Weeps, from Mary Saums

Special bonus winners
(who win either an ARC of Sugarplums and Scandals, featuring a story by Dana Cameron, or a trade paperback of Powers of Detection, featuring stories by Donna Andrews and Charlaine Harris.)
Kay Martinez
Linda Baksh
Ann Jones
Meriah Crawford
Mildred Westman

And thanks to everyone who entered!

What was that?  You want to know the answers?  Inquisitive  lot, aren't you?  But we'd expect no less from our readers...here you go:

What individual sports are involved in the overall endeavor in which Zoey Morgan, the protagonist of Kris Neri's novel NEVER SAY DIE, makes her living? 
Swimming, running, cycling (she's a triathlete)

According to Donna Andrews, who is captain of the Dames of Caerphilly in NO NEST FOR THE WICKET?
Mrs. Henrietta Pruitt

What town and state do Charlie Greene, Marlys Millhiser, and THE MIRROR have in common?
Boulder, CO

Where was Charlaine Harris's character Harper Connelly standing when she was struck by lightning?
In the bathroom of family's trailer

What is the name of the supermodel dog who worked at the same upscale boutique as Helen in Elaine Viet's MURDER UNLEASHED?
Lulu

How does Tilda Harper, the protagonist of Toni L.P. Kelner's new book WITHOUT MERCY, make a living?
Free lance entertainment reporter

What is the name of the 18th-century English woman who Emma Fielding studies in several of Dana Cameron's books?
Madam Margaret Chandler

Where are Mary Saums's two new series characters, Thistle and Twigg, from?
England and the South (Alabama, if you want to be precise)

According to Julie Wray Herman, what is Korine McPhail's old flame's name?
Leo Gilcrest