What Makes the World Go Round?

I just got home from New York City. Despite the commonly held point of view that New Yorkers are rude and pushy, I did not notice this at all. To southern taste, the people I talked to may have been a little brusque, without adding any of the conversational curliques southerners enjoy, but none of them were rude. Granted, I was in a high-traffic tourist area where it's in merchants' best interest to be polite; but nonetheless, I was impressed.

I don't think that it's love that makes the world go round. I think it's good manners. William of Wykeham was right when he told the world, "Manners maketh man," and that was in the 1300s.

To me, being polite is a huge thing. I was brought up in the deep south, where manners were almost a cult fifty years ago. Though I see that changing with every passing year, it's a style that I hope never completely passes out of vogue.

As a writer, practicing courtesy is sometimes hard. Who hasn't wanted to catch up with someone who published a foul review of your work and give them a major dressing down? Who hasn't want to set an audience member straight at a signing, or put down an interviewer who asks an intolerably rude question? Sometimes I can feel the steam coming out of my ears. I don't mean you have to be a doormat when I advocate good manners; I mean a controlled reaction is always more effective than an uncontrolled one, and you're much less likely to end up on uTube with Charlie Sheen.

As a simple matter of practicality, bookstores are much happier to host your events if they have experienced you as a courteous person. There again, I don't mean you have to be a Pollyanna or do things you object to. Just saying, "Thanks for all your hard work on this event" goes a long way. Telling a reader you hope she enjoys the books is also a simple enough expression of appreciation for coming to a signing.

You'd think this would be common sense, and common practice, too. Yet I hear from bookstores and escorts and publicists over and over that this is not behavior that they can take for granted. I've heard horror stories about tantrums, out-of-line demands, and unprofessional behavior (including showing up for events seriously . . . impaired, shall we say).

I'm about to tour in May, and I'm trying to stock up on politeness before I go.

Comments

[Maria Lima]

>conversational curliques< LOVED this phrase - that's exactly the difference between those of us raised in the south vs. the more northerly of our neighbors. I adore New York, but yeah, no curliques. :)

Re: stocking up on the courtesy? I think you've got metric tonnes of that, m'dear!

Glad you enjoyed your NY trip!

[Elaine Viets]

I grew up in St. Louis, Charlaine, so I'm sort of southern. My grandma, who spent part of her childhood in Tennessee, used to say, "Manners don't cost you a thing."
She was right. I'd even say lack of manners can cost you a lot.

[Joni Langevoort]

I, too, grew up with conversational curliques, like "How's your mama and them?", and "Hey, cute shoes!" Bless your heart, it's not too much to expect at least politeness out of the people you encounter, and, if you're lucky, you'll get some curliques.

[gaylin in vancouver]

I was brought up with Canadian politeness, you are supposed to notice and help someone if they need it, hold doors, say please and thank you. We may not have the curlicues that Southern folk do but we do our quiet best.

And when it comes to rude people, a raised eyebrow can go a long way. And a good glare from my mother can cause good behaviour in an entire crowd!

I find it sad how behaving like a diva has come into vogue. At one time being a diva was a justification for bad behaviour in an individual who deemed themselves worthy of special treatment. It wasn't considered a compliment to be called a diva then, why do so many people want to be diva's now?

[krisneri]

While I've spent most of my life in the Northeast and California, and am therefore, more lacking in the conversational curliques, I also think courtesy and politeness make the world go round, and I hate to see how many people have forgotten what they must have been taught as children. Life is just much easier if we treat other people how we wish to be treated.

As a bookseller, I'm happy to report that most authors are polite and well behaved and genuinely seem grateful for having been hosted. But the divas are, sadly, memorable. So was the one author we hosted who arrived "seriously impaired," who apologized later and reported that he'd had a full bottle of wine with lunch before his appearance. He was so drunk, he wrote snotty little messages in the books he signed because in his hammered state, he considered that funny. Politeness and professionalism make the world a better place.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

OH, yes, how many tales of pushy demanding unpleasant ungrateful authors have I heard for booksellers who say: "Just between us..."

(Here in Boston, curlicues often have to do with a specific finger, but we won't go there.)

Yikes. As my mother used to say--probably still does--"Thoughtful consideration of others is the sign of a true lady." I must have heard that a billion times.

Kris, you're so right about the golden rule.

But Charlaine, you are the essence of ladylike. Have a wonderful tour!