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What's on your shopping list?

by Kris Neri

I have a friend who absolutely hates grocery shopping. She hates it so much, if anyone even mentions a trip to the supermarket, the rant it generates seems more appropriate for an unexpected descent into hell than an errand to buy food.

Of course, she brings a level of organization to it that the military would have considered excessive for the D-Day invasion. She works out meals for at least ten days, figuring out every single ingredient she’d need, and adding it all to her list. My own organization involves seeing a few items that happen to fall close together in the grocery cart and thinking, Hey, there’s a meal. I never think through all the ingredients, however, and that invariably necessitates another trip down the grocery aisles.

But I like going to the grocery store. The people-watching there is first-rate. I’m convinced that no matter how we try to present ourselves in other settings, the supermarket sees us as we really are. In one of my favorite lines from Noel Coward’s Private Lives, the character, Amanda, says, “I think very few people are completely normal really, deep down in their private lives." If you doubt the truth of that remark, swing by the grocery store sometime soon, where I promise you that you’ll see some people in their absolutely abnormal/normal states. Look at someone’s grocery list, and you’ll understand who they are and how they live. 

I remember the first time I saw someone wearing pajamas in the frozen food aisle. I actually  felt sorry for the poor girl, believing she’d gotten so confused, she forgot she hadn’t dressed  before leaving the house. Then I learned wearing PJs in public had become de rigueur for teens and twenty-somethings. Now that state of undress isn’t limited to the young ones anymore. I recently found myself trapped behind a guy closing in on Medicare, whose hairy butt showed through the thin pajama bottoms he wore to do his shopping. Not a pretty sight. That the elastic had seen better days has probably left me scarred for life.

Once my husband stopped at the market on the way home from work for his favorite indulgence after a bad day, Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. The guy in front of him in line happened to notice my husband was buying ice cream, while the woman behind him was buying whipped cream. The guy in front quipped that if only he was getting chocolate sauce, they could build a sundae. Joe laughed, but the woman behind him acted huffy and annoyed by their intrusion. Joe’s car happened to pull behind hers as she waited in the market’s driveway for a break in traffic so she could pull into the street. Suddenly, he could see quite clearly through the rear window that she'd thrown her her head back and squirted whipped cream directly into her mouth. I have to wonder if her huffiness was the result of strangers taking too much note of her secret indulgence. Well, not that secret, given that car windows are transparent. What did I tell you? The supermarket sees us as we really are.

One of the consequences of our homogenous society is that there isn’t much difference in  grocery shopping from coast-to-coast. I miss the mom-and-pop stores that reflect more distinctive local tastes. Oh, sure, you’ll see a little more of this in one region, and a little less of that, but since most of our supermarkets are part of national chains, I never spot that much difference when I travel. And I do look.

I also check out supermarkets in foreign countries when I’m lucky enough to travel to abroad. Once, on a trip to England, we bought British pet food to bring home as gifts for our pets. Security at Heathrow was extremely tight at the time, with all carry-ons being hand-searched. When the grim-faced security officer pulled out a box of British dog biscuits, she actually had to suppress a smile.

What? Other people don’t visit grocery stores when they travel? Obviously, I need to get a life. I can’t work on it now, though. I need a few more ingredients for tonight’s dinner, and I have to make a quick trip back to the supermarket.

 

Who's Who?

HANK:  Such fun to meet a new pal. And such fun to meet a new pal whose books are kind of like yours--and whose life is kind of like yours and whose interests are kind of like yours. And--amazing fun to have someone says:  Oh, when I went to a bookstore with my new book, they compared it to  yours! Wonderful on so many levels.

 Which is why I am delighted and thrilled to introduce you to Clare O'Donohue, who, turns out, is a lot like a lot of us around here.  Who, sometimes, are seeing the world through someone else’s eyes.

And see below for a book giveaway! Thanks, Clare!

 

A Question of Character

                      by Clare O'Donohue

My first three books, all part of the Someday Quilts series, were light mysteries. People were murdered, sure, but it wasn’t anything to get upset about. My main character from that series, Nell Fitzgerald, is nosy but she’s polite. She makes quilts, she hangs out with a multi-generational group of woman, and she’s dating a guy that anyone would be happy to bring home to meet the folks.

                My fourth book, Missing Persons, features Kate Conway. Kate is nothing like Nell. In fact, my guess is she wouldn’t even like her. Kate is sarcastic and a little bitter. She covers her vulnerability with cynicism, and she isn’t afraid to lie or manipulate if it gets her what she wants.

                One of the comments I’ve heard from friends, reviewers and fans of my first three books is that it’s hard to believe both series are written by the same person. If characters are extensions of the writer’s personality, my friends say, then I must have multiple personality disorder.

                I’m fine with that. Just as I don’t think most actors want to play the same part their whole careers (except maybe Susan Lucci), I don’t think most writers want to write from the same point of view all the time. Even a series that goes on for years grows and changes, and the author introduces new characters that bring different life experiences, different attitudes, different methods of getting rid of a body….

                And isn’t that the fun of it? I love my Nell character, and her genesis may be in my years of quilting and my fantasies about small town life, but she isn’t me. Kate shares my profession (TV producer) and a tendency to make a joke out of everything, but she isn’t me either.

                   My characters live in different places (Nell in the fictional small town of Archers Rest, and Kate in the very real Chicago) and they have different interests (Nell quilts with a group of close friends, Kate tries to avoid human contact through TV and take-out).

                The fact that these women see the world through very different eyes, isn’t the hard part. It’s the fun part. Through my characters I can have new experiences, or relive old ones  – I can be 26 again, worried about my career and sharing a first kiss, or I can be facing down the cop who thinks I might be a killer. I can be rude, virginal, angry, generous… I can be smarter than I actually am. And much, much braver. One mystery series couldn’t do or say everything I want, so why not have two?

                Like a pretzel dipped in chocolate, the opposite tastes actually improve each other. Which only makes me wonder what perhaps a third series, with another new character could bring to the mix. Or a fourth….

                My friends may be right. Maybe I do have multiple personality disorder. 

 

Clare O'Donohue is the author of Missing Persons; A Kate Conway Mystery and the Someday Quilts Mysteries. She is also a TV producer and writer, working on programs for A&E, The History Channel, truTV, Food Network and others. She lives in Chicago.

MISSING PERSONS:

The cause of death is "undetermined", but the cops peg Chicago television producer Kate Conway as the main suspect in the death of her about to be ex-husband, Frank. To make matters worse, and weirder, Frank's new girlfriend wants to be friends. Kate distracts herself with a new work assignment for the telelvision show, Missing Persons, and the story of Theresa Moretti, a seeminly angelic nursing student who disappeared a year earlier. As All Kate wants is a cliched story and 22 minutes of air time, but when the two cases appear to overlap, she has to start her own investigation, before a third body turns up. Her own.

Bet you can't wait to read  MISSING PERSONS--
   An edgy new mystery about lost love, unsolved cases, bad television, and the dead husband’s girlfriend, who keeps getting in the damn way.  Here's the scoop--a lucky commenter will get a free copy!

Do you ever become your character? Or--which fictional character would you like to BE? Give us your choise--and you'll be in the drawing for  this wonderful mystery.

 

 

Musclehead

By Elaine Viets                                                

"No pain, no gain" are four words that set my teeth on edge.

That snappy advice has long been debunked as a fitness guideline.

Celebrity trainer Harley Pasternak said, "Pain is not required for a successful workout. It’s also important to note that pain can be a warning sign of an exhausted muscle or torn ligament."

Despite that warning, some muscleheads still parrot that outdated slogan. I heard it when I was researching my new Dead-End Job hardcover, "Pumped for Murder," which is set in the world of extreme  bodybuilding.

"Pumped," my tenth Dead-End mystery, marks a major change in Helen Hawthorne’s life. She and Phil are now married. They’ve opened their own private eye agency, Coronado Investigations. Helen still works those dead-end jobs – but now she’s undercover for a case. In "Pumped for Murder," she has to endure the pain of workouts to keep her job and discover if their client’s husband is cheating on her.

Variations on the "no pain, no gain" theme have been around for centuries, but it was usually more about morals than muscles. Even Ben Franklin used a version: " . . .he that lives upon hope will die fasting. There are no gains without pains."

"No pain, no gain" first because a pain in the nation’s er, neck, in the 1980s. Unfortunately, it was popularized by a woman I admire.

Helen’s boss at Fantastic Fitness, Derek, insists that Helen lose weight to keep her job, and recites that slogan.

Here’s how Helen Hawthorne discovers the modern origins of "no pain, no gain":

 

Helen sat up on the weight bench, gasping for breath. Her midsection felt like it had been gouged out, then wrapped with iron bands. Fantastic Fitness indeed. This place was an air-conditioned torture chamber.

Derek kept smiling. The massive day manager was a sadist in spandex.

"Come on, Helen, you can do it," Derek said. "One more set of crunches. No pain, no gain."

"What the heck does that mean?" Helen said.

Derek ignored her surly words. He looked like a happy puppy. "Pain means you’re achieving your goal. You have to work through your pain to get to a better body." He flashed those blinding white teeth.

"What idiot believes that?" Helen said.

"Jane Fonda," Derek said. "My mom had her exercise tapes. I grew up listening to Jane say, ‘No pain, no gain’ and ‘Feel the burn.’"

"Derek, I’d punch you, except I’d break my hand on your rockhard abs."

Check out the "Pumped for Murder" book trailer – abs and all – at www.elaineviets.com

 

Two weeks in Turkey, in five hundred words or less

by Dana

Mr. G and I are just back from two weeks traveling across Turkey, our second trip to that country.  How do I best describe what we saw, from prehistoric sites to modern markets and architecture?  Do I focus on my obsession with pottery and archaeological sites?  Show nothing but pictures of the astonishing food we ate?  Focus on the people we met?  Since it is impossible to do anything comprehensive in under 500 wo rds, I'll give you the merest taste of the regions we visited, with photos that I haven't used on my web site or my Facebook page.

In Ista nbul, Topkapi Palace is always mobbed, and it takes only one glimpse of the amazingly graceful architecture and stunning tile decorations to figure out why.   You can get a crick in your neck staring at the ceilings (l).  The Grand Bazaar (r)is also always packed, but with shoppers (okay, I “shopping” at Topkapi as well, but that was more of the fantasy variety).

Far to the south and east, Gaziantep is a regional capital.  We visited the local market place, where  local merchants (surprised at seeing non-Turkish tourists) offered tastes of their wares.  Here (l) are pieces of dried eggplant (and zucchini and peppers), which are stuffed and cooked; shoes and leather goods from that part of the market are on the right.   

 

 Harran is known for its beehive houses, made of dried mud and dung (l).  They are incredibly cool and spacious inside (the temperature outside was about 100F in late May). 

 

 

Near Sanliurfa, Goblecki Tepe (r) was recently featured in National Geographic Magazine.  It's a site about 12,000 years years old, a series of carved standing stones linked by walls, and considered to be the oldest human-made place of worship in existence.  It predates cities, agriculture, and metal (so the entire complex was made with flint tools), which flies in the face of accepted notions about how and why cities were originally formed. 

Okay, more ancient carved stone:  we climbed the half mile up Mount Nemrut to see the giant Graeco-Persian statues of seated kings, gods, and heroes.  The heads were removed by iconoclasts.  You can see everything for miles around; a truly staggering sight.  That mound of stone  chips is debris from carving the sculptures.

The region of Cappadocia is near the center of the country, and is famous for its volcanic geological structures, mushroom-capped towers of stone called “fairy chimneys.”  This is the view from our hot air balloon ride. 

Finally, on the way to Ankara, the capital, we visited Hattusas (l), the capital of the Hittite empire before 1700 BCE.  Nearby is the shrine of Yazilikaya (r).

Eureka! A New Favorite Author!

from Mary Saums

 

Don't you love discovering a book you don't want to put down? Written by a new-to-you author who knows how to thoroughly ring all your reading-addict chimes? Well slap my hands and call me Ms. Bojangles because the one I'm reading now has me jingling and gyrating like a belly dancer on speed AND Louisiana Hot Sauce.

It was a New York Times Notable Book. Publishers Weekly gave it a starred review - "Audacious ... triumphant... a page-turner of a thriller." The Washington Post said, "Clever ... sly... wonderful." People Magazine called it "A dazzling blend of literary fiction and white-knuckle thriller."

I agree on every count. And here it is -

 

 

 

What, no guns or explosions on the cover? :) Mr. Timothy by Louis Bayard is sneaky like that. It's a historical novel/crime novel set in Victorian London. Mr. Timothy is Timothy Cratchitt, all grown-up since his appearance as Tiny Tim in Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Not exactly the usual makings of a thriller.

I remember when the book came out (in 2003) and I saw the reviews, I thought it wouldn't be something I'd like. Oh how wrong wrong wrong I can be and was.

As a reader, I love it because I'm totally swept up in the story. True, I've got a thing for novels set in London, any time period but especially Victorian. I love that Timothy is a full person, more than a flat sketch of a Dickens child. I love the characters who are his allies. His enemies are cruel and loathsome but oh so wonderful in their heinousness.

My copy is in no shape to loan out. I've written notes in the margins from about halfway to the end. As I flip through now, I see what I love from a writer's viewpoint. A single word is on many pages. Motion. Bayard keeps things moving, always gives us something to watch. Here's a quick example, "By now, the snow is falling full force, half blinding us with each sweep of our eyelashes ..." We see the flakes, the impenetrable snow, watch the characters blink. Everything has movement and this keeps the reader moving forward with the story.

I have about a chapter to go before I finish. Then I'll order Mr. Bayard's new book, The School of Night.

 

 

 

It's also a standalone, and has two plotlines, one in the present and one set in Elizabethan England. Can't wait!

Do you have a new book or series you've discovered this year? I keep a notepad by the computer to jot down recommendations. I have to. Once I'm in the store, I forget what I wanted.

I'll leave you with part of another Mr. Timothy review, one that's like a checklist of what every writer wants to accomplish:

"There isn't one throwaway sentence ... Shimmering, knock-your-socks-off language ... a subtle character examination, and a page-turning plot, one truly engaging book." - Entertainment Weekly 

 

 

Zombies

ZOMBIES

I've heard it said that zombies are the next vampires.That is, some people hope they'll take the place in pop culture that vampires have happily occupied these past ten years. These forecasters may all be zombie writers, but let's examine the possibilities.

In a zombie novel, the murderer is always obvious. It's the rotting individual going "AARRRRR." Oh, every now and then it's the soldiers charged with protecting the populace from people who may be infected with the zombie virus/gene/bacteria/whatever. (In general, the military does not come off looking good in zombie novels.) But most -- the rotting, the brainless, the "AAARRRR." You have your culprit.

What are the other "whodunit" or "whydunit" possibilities in such a novel? The secret to uncover (while running and screaming) is that some individual began the outbreak of zombieism, and that person may know a cure or some solution aside from total annihilation. Or the virus may have gained a toehold among humans because people did something wrong environmentally. Perhaps this knowledge would be the key to turning the zombie situation around . . . while running and screaming.

Jonathan Maberry and Joe Abercrombie are writing some good contemporary zombie novels, and you should check them out. For background on the zombie wars, material both pathetic and humorous, try Max Brooks's "History of World War Z" and "The Zombie Survival Guide," both of which should be on every family's shelves just in case . . . well, you know. All I can say is, after I read the Survival Guide, I called my daughter to ask her which place she'd head for first in the case of a zombie outbreak. When she said "The hospital, I guess," I almost shrieked. Wrong! That's where the first cases will be taken, so that's where they'll manifest. Geez Louise, Julia! Use some sense.

Okay, maybe I went a little overboard on that one. And maybe I can't predict the next trend in literature. But, gentle readers . . . you really should have a plan of action in mind. Besides the running and the screaming.

Charlaine Harris

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Twin names revealed!

by Donna Andrews

I've been running a contest to see if readers can guess what Meg Langslow and her husband, Michael Waterston, have named their twins. Apologies to those who gnashed their teeth when they came to the end of Stork Raving Mad and found out I wasn't yet revealing the gender or names of the twins--I thought the contest would be fun.  And apparently a few of you did, too.

On a visit to Killer Characters I gave out clues, which I subsequently repeated in a few other forums:

1. Both names were in the top 200 for last year.
2. Both names can be found in the Bible.
3. At least one twin is named after a member of Meg's family whom readers have met more than once.

I figured many people would guess--correctly--that I was using my own seven-year-old twin nephews as the model for Meg and Michael's.  And the cat's out of the bag since the Publisher's Weekly review of The Real Macaw begins like this:

At the outset of Andrews's crowd-pleasing 13th Meg Langslow mystery (after 2010's Stork Raving Mad), Meg, new mother of twin boys, awakes early one morning to find her living room filled with animals, including a bright blue macaw, who cries, "Hiya, babe!"

The bad news is that NO ONE guessed both names.  But that's good news for the four people who did correctly guess that one twin would be named James, after Meg's father.  The twins' full names: James Langslow Waterston and Joshua Blake Waterston--Jamie and Josh for short.  Josh is named after Meg's grandfather, whose full name is Joshua Montgomery Blake.  Dr. Blake prefered his middle name--back when he was growing up, the name Joshua was probably considered old fashioned, and he doesn't even bother very often with J. Montgomery.  But it has come back into favor, and Meg and Michael like it, and they thought it went better with James than Montgomery.  Both Dr. Langslow and Dr. Blake are incredibly proud of both namesakes.  They're a little impatient for the boys to get to the point where they can go on nature walks and be taught to play chess, but they're pleased that both boys are already showing distinct signs of intellectual precociousness and outstanding character.  (Okay, they're probably a bit biased.  Let them have their fun.)

Readers who made interesting if not correct guesses include Lois and Joan, who suggested Robin/Robyn and Jay/Jaye, and Celeste, who suggested Ibis and Flamingo.

Lacking a grand prize winner, I'll be sending signed copies of The Real Macaw to the winners who guessed James: Kathy Vogel, Morgan, Lethajoy, and Michelle L.  I'm also declaring as a winner Michele B. who guessed Blake (after Meg's grandfather) and Ruth (after my longtime editor, Ruth Cavin).  Blake is Josh's middle name, so Michele gets a book too.

Thanks to everyone who entered!