Epic battle

by Dana

I started the last short story I've been working on back in early fall.  It's done now, and out to my first readers, but it put up a hell of a fight, let me tell you. 

Normally, for me to write a short story, it takes a week or two of planning, then a week or two of writing.  And if things are going well—I'm rested, I haven't got other work pressing, I have a decent idea—a story can take half that time.  So for this story to be resisting me over the course of months...something was wrong.

It went wrong straight away.  Usually, I'm fine with all the Yoda-isms:  just let the story take you where it wants to go, just surrender.  I'm totally down with that, because I know the subconscious does a lot of work, if you let it.  But this story went so wrong, so immediately, I wasn't sure what was up.  Ordinarily, when I encounter resistance, it's because I'm writing a scene that doesn't fit, or one that will be hard, emotionally, to write, but I hadn't even gotten a paragraph down and the ground started shifting beneath my authorial feet (you can see me vs. the problem (actual size), above).

Maybe I should have been tipped off right away because I started to write a flashback—not the way I like to start.  But I figured, I'd find out how everything linked up later, and then probably do some rearranging.

Keep writing, was my answer to myself.  It will sort itself out.

Except it didn't.  It was like being carried out to sea in a boat over which I had no control:  I could see where I wanted to go, but no matter what I did, I kept moving away from my goal.  It got worse and worse, when I realized the story was actually about Claudia, but it was being told from Gerry's point of view.  Then I realized it was also set in their high-school past, at an age I personally am very happy to be far away from.  I so did not want to write what I was writing.  The project I had been looking forward to had turned into a Godzilla.

What happened to my wonderful plan? I asked myself. 

Keep writing, I told myself.  Keep writing, friends told me.

I kept writing, hoping the story would eventually loop around to where I'd started.  It didn't.  It was an epic battle, me vs. the monster my story was becoming, but I wanted to get that sucker done.  Finally, I realized, if I cut off the first page—when I thought I knew what was going on—and just wrote one more page to round out the ending, I'd have a whole story.  Not the one I intended to write, but it would be the one I needed to meet my goals for this year.  I did that, went back and did some polishing, and to my surprise, despite all my resistance, it was a story I think works.

I'm still puzzled about this.  I had context, I had characters, I had setting.  I had intent, I had goals--and I don't believe stories come to you from the aether, from the cabbage patch, or from any or all of the Nine Muses.  A coming-of -age story was the last thing on my mind, but it's what eventually I ended up writing, when I reeled it in to a manageable form (actual size, above).

So, Fellow Writers, let me ask you:  How do you know when it's time to push on a story or when it's time to give into it?   How do you deal with a story that gets out of control?

Comments

[krisneri]

Dana, I wish I had a good answer to any of those questions, but I don't. The answer is always different. Each book or story seems to show us how that project has to be written, and some seem to need wrestling for reasons that are never clear. This work doesn't come with a manual. The fascinating part to me is that when a particular project comes to life only with great difficulty, once it's finished, the writer's effort is rarely evident. However much or little we had to work with it doesn't show.

[Dana]

Kris, sometimes I wish there was a manual! Some days, I'm pretty sure I know my process, others...it's a mystery.

[Mary]

Love the photos! I can relate to that first one, for sure. Until I hit the downhill slide somewhere around two-thirds of the way into a story, I'm driving with no headlights. Doesn't matter how much pre-planning I do.

[Elaine Viets]

I try a walk along the docks near my condo, Dana. Looking at the water seems to free my brain, if I'm lucky.
During one epic fail, when I couldn't start a novel, my wise agent said,"I forbid you to write a word on that book for a month."
About two weeks in, I'd started it and kept going. Child psychology.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

OH, gosh, the "just keep writing" is my mantra..oh,well.

I think we do know more, subconsciously, than we know "out loud," and I keep believing that will emerge. And you know, for you, it did, right? Just not in away that you expected.

So maybe one thought is not to keep looking so frantically (although Dana, I can't imagine you being frantic), but when it happens it happens. It always happens. You just don't know when.

[Dana]

Thanks, Mary! I don't mind the blind driving, it's when I'm not even on the right continent that flummoxes me. That's what I get for thinking I knew what was going on .

Yes, Elaine--I walk to the beach a lot, and it does help. I like that agent's advice, and will definitely try it out!

You're right, Hank. Re-reading the essay, I realized I should have just gone with the story I had, kept writing that, instead of forcing it/ wanting it to be something else. Maybe I can take a crack at the other idea, now this one has found its way into the world!