Steamed for the Holidays

By Elaine Viets

Mystery writer Taffy Cannon told a bunch of friends about eBay’s Deal of the Day – an Easy Gift Idea.

 And the gift?                                            

"A classic steam mop with 15 jets."

"I’d like a show of cyberhands, please," Taffy asked. "Who among us would like to receive this mop as a holiday gift?"

Not Donna Andrews. She may write about murder, but she couldn’t even type the I-word. "You will note that my hand is conspicuously tucked out of sight," she wrote. "Steam mops? Next you'll be asking us about steam i--ns."

Maryelizabeth Hart said, "While I can understand appreciating owning such a thing, I think I would probably whack the giver with the mop handle if I received such as a gift, unless it was by specific request. Now, if it was a steampunk mop . . ."

Toni L. P. Kelner asked the crucial question: "What the heck is a steam mop? Come to think of it, I can't even remember the last time I used a regular mop. I have a cleaning guy. He has a mop. It is not, as far as I know, a steam mop."

A 15-jet steam mop has 15 holes along the bottom to "ensure even steam distribution, cleaning and sanitizing" on most hard floors, like tile, marble and stone and vinyl.

It’s supposed to be "an easy, safe and cost-effective way to get a deep-down clean without the use of chemicals or detergents." When I read those words "cost-effective" and "deep-down clean," I felt a slight stirring. I come from a long line of German-American women who are competitive cleaners. They’d pawn the family silver to get money for a steam mop. They’d also get more pleasure from the mop than their husbands. Of course, the lightweight mop is easier to handle than a hardheaded kraut.

I quickly tamped down those ancient feelings. I’ve abandoned my family’s sensible lifestyle. I don’t keep a home so clean a surgeon could operate on the diningroom table.

Some of my friends actually yearned for this contraption: "It has been on my list for two years," Karen Mayers wrote wistfully. "No one has gotten it for me. I took it off this year, alas."

Every day, eBay is offering more Easy Gift Ideas including an HDTV, a front-load gas dryer, a Black and Decker yard vac, and a 16-channel security camera. My UPS driver would get a hernia from returning all those gifts.

I’m frivolous and that’s how I like my gifts. Restaurant dinners, dark chocolate, books, pretty clothes are perfectly useless – and perfect for me.

I’ve heard that some people ask for tool kits, vacuum cleaners, or blenders. On my holiday list any gift with a cord is probably a mistake, unless I request it – and I haven’t yet.

Some of my friends adore practical gifts. They’ll drool over Black & Decker power tools until they electrocute themselves. I wouldn’t dare buy my handy female friends wussy pink tool kits. They want the real deal – dark, mean and heavy-duty.

So what gets you steamed for the holidays? Do you like your gifts frivolous or practical?

Comments

[KrisL]

I love books, but the tough part is that I'm picky about what I like, and I usually quickly buy the books I really want. It makes it hard for someone to buy me a book.

If someone bought me a vacuum or anything similar to that as a gift, I'd think they were trying to give me a hint (and they'd have a point).

[Kelly Saderholm]

I love to cook, so any kind of kitchen appliance is terrific. I have received blenders and such for Christmas and loved them.

A steam-mop? not so much. Unless it had a cleaning lady that came with it.

[Elaine Viets]

Gift cards, Kris and Kelly. Local bookstores have wonderful gift cards and you can buy the book you've been longing for.
Kelly, my kitchen junkie friends like Williams-Sonoma gift cards. Am I right about that?

[Kelly Saderholm]

I love Gift Cards. I admit to being ambivalent about them at first. I try to do most of my shopping at local stores- mostly bookstores. But not everybody can.

My mom is, well, older and has health problems,especially a bad hip that makes shopping difficult. She can go to her neighborhood Kroger Grocery and buy all kinds of gift cards- usually she gets Barnes and Noble and/or Amazon. Her teen/college age grand children love them and she doesn't have to spend hours trying to shop for them. She also can just mail them easily- usually in a Christmas Card,doesn't have to stand in line at the PO and worry about shipping, etc.

A Williams- Sonoma Gift card is a great gift for kitchen-junkies!

[Elaine Viets]

Gift cards used to make me a little queasy, too, Kelly. But they are a real help for those who aren't "gifted" with the art of buying presents. Teachers tell me they love bookstore gift cards, even for small amounts like $5. They put themn toward books they want to buy.

[Jody]

ONLY if I had requested it would I want any household tool for a Christmas present! When we've have name drawings, I've included sheets and towels as some of the suggested gifts. I frequently name particular books & or ask for bookstore gift cards.

[Elaine Viets]

Jody, if only more shoppers were as straightforward as you.

[Linda Rodriguez]

I've not been a fan of gift cards in the past, feeling they were about the same as giving cash and sort of perfunctory. However, in recent years, I've come to see the sense of them. It's hard to know if someone has a particular book or whatsit, even if you know it's one of their interests. A gift card to a place that will have the kind of thing they like shows you know what they like, but leaves the choice of item to the recipient.

[Elaine Viets]

A gift card at least shows you went to the trouble to buy one, Linda. I like giving someone a shopping spree -- even if it's a small spree. More like a spurt.

[Chickdicks]

I usually like frivolous, and my 2 daughters coach my hubby about what to buy, but lately I've been lamenting the state of my floors (dogs & grandkids are wreaking havoc), so a steam vac would actually be welcome.

And maybe I'm getting old.

[Dana]

You are spot on about the pink tools, Elaine--ye gods and little fishes. Several friends have given me multitools (like Leatherman or Gerber), and they've all been lovely enough to give me the toughest, meanest-looking, hardest-core versions. I want Batman to step back, go whoa, when I pull out one of the multitools.

(But giftcards are always nice, too.)

[Elaine Viets]

No Barbie tools for me, either, Dana.
Chick, it might be time to drop a few hints to your daughters so they can coach your husband. Oreck has a power broom & steam mop combo.

[cheap Timberland Boots]

You are spot on about the pink tools, Elaine--ye gods and little fishes. Several friends have given me multitools (like Leatherman or Gerber), and they've all been lovely enough to give me the toughest, meanest-looking, hardest-core versions. I want Batman to step back, go whoa, when I pull out one of the multitools.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

Steam mop? What would I do with that?

And I'd rather have tough gritty tools than PINK ones.

I'm with ya on this gift card thing--it seems--impersonal. But they sure are fun to get.

[Elaine Viets]

I think a woman always looked better in Black (and Decker).
Tough stuff for tough jobs.

[Sheila Connolly]

I crave a Dyson ball vacuum cleaner (especially if the guy with the sexy British accent comes along with it to show me how it works)--and I already own six vacuums.