The Mystery of the Fat Trap

By Elaine Viets

I came back from my May book tour with an ugly souvenir -- six pounds of flab.

I went back to a healthy diet: Green tea. Steamed vegetables. Salads with low-cal dressing. Two stingy squares of 70% dark chocolate for dessert.

 

Those six pounds hung around like an unwelcome houseguest.

I couldn’t see how else I could pare down my food. There was a fat trap in my diet. I needed an expert detective to solve this mystery. A doctor recommended a nutritionist called Sunny. Her name suited her: she was smiling, smart and slender.

"What do you have for breakfast?" Sunny asked.

"Green tea, fresh fruit and one scrambled egg," I said.

 

"You should probably eat more for breakfast," she said.

More? My favorite four-letter word.

"Add half a cup of oatmeal," Sunny said. "Don’t load it with milk and sugar. Try a tablespoon of honey and some walnuts."

I liked those, too.

 

"How are you scrambling that egg?"    

"In PAM," I said.                                                               

 

Suddenly, Sunny frowned. "How much cooking spray?"

"Well, I cover the bottom of the pan."

Actually my single egg was swimming in a sea of canola oil spray. "PAM doesn’t have any calories," I added.

"Read the fine print," she said. "It’s zero calories per serving size. That’s one-fourth of a second."

A quarter of a second? But that’s nothing.

Thanks to a quirk in the US regulations, Sunny explained, manufacturers can claim food has "zero calories" if it has less than five calories per serving.

That sneaky PAM.

My stop watch shows fractions of seconds. Know how much PAM I sprayed in one-fourth of a second? A spot about the size of the cap on the can.

I thought of the minutes – no, the hours – I’d been spraying my food with PAM.

I also sprayed the baking pan with PAM when I made what I thought were low-fat oven fries. Those potatoes were surfing in canola oil. But the front label said "for fat-free cooking" and I took PAM at face value.

Canola oil has 120 calories in one  tablespoon, so I was unknowingly adding an extra 500 to 600 calories a day to my food. No wonder I didn’t lose weight.

Sorry, PAM, but I’m not sticking with a slick like you.

The label said there were "about 571 servings per container." So what am I going to do with some 500 servings of PAM?

The Internet is awash with suggestions.

I can use it on my car, said Gomestic.com. "Bugs will wipe right off your car grill if you spray it first with cooking spray. Spray oil on a soft cloth and rub onto grill. Not only will it keep bugs from sticking but it will brighten and shine your grill."

That will work. An 1986 Jaguar is a fat-cat car. I’ll oil the grill.

 

Cooking spray can keep grass from sticking to lawn mower blades. Baseball players spray it on the bottom of their shoes to keep mud from sticking to them. Moms use it on kids’ soccer cleats for the same reason. PAM can get gum out of children’s hair.

 

There seemed to be a thousand uses.

But what’s the chance that I’ll ever use PAM with my old abandon?

 

The same as its per-serving calorie count: Zero.

Comments

[Dana]

Good for you, for solving the puzzle, Elaine! Huzzah, more (better) breakfast!

[Authorinnc]

Pam also works like WD40 on a lot of things like creaking hinges and sticky door locks! Found that out when I was out of WD40.

[Elaine Viets]

Kudos to Sunny, Dana. I just hired her. But like many bosses, I'll take the credit.

[Elaine Viets]

It's also recommended for keys that stick in locks and doors that stick on those aluminum apartment mailboxes.

[Mare]

Thank you! I had no idea. And I too have used it in place of WD-40 although when my car door hinge squeaked my car smelled like popcorn for about a week (butter-flavored Pam!)

[Elaine Viets]

A butter-flavored car. I like that better than those evergreen car fresheners, Mare.

[Marcia Talley]

I find that almost all food product labels are misleading. "Fat free" on products that have always been fat free, for instance. And what does "All Natural" mean? We're supposed to think it has no additives, but they can add all kinds of "natural" things -- like injecting meats with salted chicken broth -- and still make that claim. And you have to watch the portions, too. Low cal cereal? Maybe, if you're eating 1/4 cup of the stuff with skim milk. Recently, I've been running Camp Grandma, and buying food very carefully. Betty Crocker’s Strawberry Splash Fruit Gushers claim to be made of real fruit, but contain no strawberries whatsoever, and are actually made from pear concentrate, red dye #40, and are almost half sugar by weight. And don't get me started on the Lucky Charms Marshmallow Crispy Treats, my granddaughter's current fave.

[Elaine Viets]

Here, here! I am now a faithful label reader, Marcia. Don says it's like living with James Bond after he came home from the health farm, Shrublands.
There are real horror stories on those labels.

[Alan Portman]

Companies also get to round down it ways that would leave you forever in 3rd grade math. 5.8 calories per serving can be labeled as 5.

Alton Brown says to spray lightly and live with the calories. You are still around 15 to cook a single egg in a small pan. I switched from egg eggs to egg beaters. 1/2 the calories.

[Elaine Viets]

You know what you're talking about, too, Alan. You've really slimmed down.

[Mario in DC]

Using cooking spray on keys might not be wise -- I can readily envision the oil residue collecting over time and causing a real gunk-up. But where Pam is unexcelled is in slicking the blade of a snow shovel. Wet snow can cake up on those things real fast, and the weight just adds to the strain. Oh, and, Elaine ... you have all my sympathy ... --Mario

[Elaine Viets]

Thanks for the key caution, Mario - and the sympathy.

[krisneri]

Love the idea of using Pam on the car to prevent bugs from sticking. Between washings my poor car looks like it travels exclusively in bug clouds.

Elaine, good luck with peeling off those pounds, but you always look great!

[marie]

Elaine, I love this blog.
Who knew that those label demons could be so confusing? My eyes are getting so bad I am afraid to read all the fine print.
I am also thinking of all those bugs who were looking for a ride on the Jaguar grill. Now they will not be seen riding in the style that they were vicariously wishing for..

[gaylin in Vancouver]

I am having eggs for lunch, cooking them in butter! If I am going to eat calories, they better taste good.

I have never used Pam and when I am at someone's house and they use it, I have to leave the room. Spray stuff from a can and I cough for 1/2 hour . . .

[Elaine Viets]

Good for you, Gaylin. Enjoy those eggs the natural way.

[Elaine Viets]

Marie, ever since I talk with the nutritionist, I've been studying labels more carefully. You can look some up on line, which is easier on the eyes.
Or go with honest butter, like Gaylin.

[Elaine Viets]

Thanks, Kris, for the kind words. Hope that trick works for you. The Florida bugs are going to be grilled in PAM.

[Dru]

I never new that. Thanks for the heads-up about PAM.

[Elaine Viets]

You can't trust her, Dru.

[Barb Goffman]

So what have you substituted for PAM, now, Elaine? How are you cooking that egg?

[Krista]

I still use it to keep things from getting stuck in my pan. I have a Teflon pan that I don't have to use any cooking sprays. But Teflon is a whole nother can of worms, I know. Proud of you! I do my best to eat small servings and bring leftovers home if need be.

[Elaine Viets]

I have a Teflon pan, Barb. I put a small amount of canola oil on a paper towel and rub it on the pan. Seems to work.
I'm with you, Krista. I like to make reservations for dinner, and restaurant portions are big enough for two meals.

[Victoria Allman]

For baking oven-fries, buy a Silpat mat from Bed, Bath, and Beyond. It is used for cookies, cakes, meats, etc. Anything that you would normally grease the bottom of a pan for. It is reusable and adds no fat to all baked items.
They are my favorite cook's tool.
For scrambling eggs, you can poach them in water. Place about 1 cup of water in your frying pan and bring it to a simmer. Scramble the egg in a bowl and slowly pour into the water. Let it simmer for 1 minute without touching it and then gently flip it over for another minute. Remove it with a slotted spoon and then scramble again in a clean bowl.

Victoria Allman
author of: SEAsoned: A Chef's Journey with Her Captain

[Elaine Viets]

Terrific tips, Victoria, and I just got a coupon for Bed, Bath & Beyond. It's on my list.
I'll try the poached/scrambled egg, too.