Pack Rat

by Femmes Fatales guest Alan Orloff.

Thanks for inviting me to guest blog! (And hi to all the Femmes Fatales who I know—which is most of you!)

Some people call me a pack rat. Of course, those are only the people who know me.

I’ll admit it. I collect stuff. Lots of stuff. But now, as I help my mother-in-law go through all of her old stuff, I see a potential problem in the offing. The more junk you have, the more junk you need to get rid of!

I just wished I’d come to this conclusion sooner.

My mother-in-law’s desk was like one of those stratified archeological dig sites. On top, the most recent stuff. Semi-current bills. Pizza delivery menus. Business cards of people still alive. As we dug deeper, however, more of the distant past was unearthed. We found coupons for a car wash. (She no longer drives. Doesn’t even own a car.). We found paperwork from companies that don’t exist anymore (some of the receipts were decades old - “Hi, I’d like to return this Betamax. Don’t worry, I have the receipt.”). We found baby pictures of people nobody recognized. Most of those people probably already had their own babies. And grandbabies.

A few snarky thoughts ran through my head until I realized: That was me in a few years!!

So I made a resolution to start getting my own house in order. Literally and figuratively. And painfully, because I LIKE my stuff.

I found three foam fingers (you know, the giant ones that say “We’re Number One!”). I only have two hands!

I have enough old computer power cords, ac adapters, cables, and miscellaneous electronics parts to furnish the set of The Big Bang Theory (and any spinoffs that might arise). I discovered a whole box of perforated printer paper (the kind where all the sheets are connected). I don’t think I’ve ever owned a printer that uses that kind of paper. (None of the six printers I own now do…)

I counted twenty-seven cardboard magazine holders, none of which are actually holding any magazines. (Hey, you never know when you’ll need those! Do they still publish LOOK Magazine?).

All the stuff I just mentioned? All in my office! (Well, only three of the printers. Right next to three old laptops, stacked on top of each other.)

How did I amass so much crap? As you might imagine, I have a hard time throwing things away that might have utility. I have two (2!) old dishwasher racks, just in case I ever need someplace to dry small things I’ve painted. For the record, I don’t paint.

I have the wheeled base from an old chair, just in case I want to construct something that needs a wheeled base from an old chair. (I could go on describing all the junk I’ve collected, but I’m sure there’s a limit to the number of bytes available on the Internet.)

I’m a recovering garage sale junkie. In college, I furnished my dorm room with other people’s outcasts, and it was then I began collecting records (for people aged thirty to forty-five, those are things that hold music, like CDs. For anyone under thirty, records are dinner-plated-sized MP3 storage devices.).

When I had small kids, I’d frequent garage sales looking for used sporting goods. Of course, my real reason for going to these garage sales was to find old, out-of-print books. Consequently, I have thousands of old books (and thousands of new books, too. Can’t ever have too many books!).

What does this have to do with writing? No surprise, but I’m a pack rat there, too. I maintain files of deleted scenes, paragraphs, sentences, even words (for the words, I only keep the deleted ones if they’re really, really good).

Like most writers, I also keep all my old manuscripts. RUNNING FROM THE PAST was the second manuscript I’d ever written (back then, it was titled FATHERS AND SONS). When I finished it, I understood that it wasn’t very good, so I put it aside and went to work on book number three. It wasn’t until some years later that I took another look at that dusty manuscript.

I liked the story. I liked the characters. I abhorred the writing.

So I opened two windows up on my computer: a copy of the horribly-written manuscript and a blank Word document. I proceeded to re-write every single sentence. Then I went through the usual steps: revision, revision, revision. Polishing, polishing, polishing.

That finished manuscript, completely overhauled from its original form, became the book that just came out, RUNNING FROM THE PAST.

If only I could be as resourceful with those old dishwasher racks.

What’s your best “packratting” story? I’ll “gift” a Kindle copy of RUNNING FROM THE PAST to the commenter with the best one!

Alan Orloff’s latest novel, RUNNING FROM THE PAST, a “winner” in Amazon’s Kindle Scout Program, was released last week from their new imprint, Kindle Press. For more info about Alan, visit his website: www.alanorloff.com.

 

Comments

[Sherry Harris]

My grandfather had tons of sticks of all different sizes in his basement -- from a foot long to walking size because you never know when one would come in handy. The gene skipped a generation and all the Air Force moves have helped me clean out more than I'd have if we stayed in one place. But I still have a Seventeen magazine where Cybil Shepard is teen model of the year.

[Donna Andrews]

Alan, I'm not confessing to most of my packrattery. But I will share a success story: recently I found a vendor, RetroFloppy, that could convert all my dad's Apple II genealogy diskettes for a reasonable price AND is an Apple II hobbyist who wanted to make my old CPUs off my hands. I sent him the equipment he wanted and took a big load to our local electronics recycling center (which is around the corner from the One More Page Bookstore) and feel tons lighter. I need more wins like that.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

NO, no, not confessing. But I do have a lot…of t-shirts. Last night I wore one from Atlanta, 19…80? I MISSED THE STONES at the Fox Theater, it says. Can't throw that one, right?

ANd another from Atlanta, 1976 maybe? It says: Official SKYLAB Target.

[Alan Orloff]

Sherry - I have a collection of sticks, too! Except I keep them out in my yard, under a forest of trees.

Donna - Apple II, that's going back! Someday I'll show you my Timex Sinclair (Yes, I still have it.)

Hank - SKYLAB? Nice! And not to play Mr. Toppit, but I have a t-shirt from 9th grade!

[Allan J. Emerson]

My stuff will be valuable some day... Problem is, cleaning out the basement makes building the pyramids seem like a weekend job. And there could be alligators down there, so best to just leave things be.

[susan b]

I'm so fascinated by the Kindle Scout program. Congratulations on your win! About fifteen years ago I moved cross country. I shipped two cardboard boxes and loaded up the back of my SUV - and that is all I moved. Somehow I still have two shirts that are 30 years old. Can't give them up.

[Alan Orloff]

I promised to give away a book to the best packratting story, but I can't choose. So I'd like to gift a copy to all of the commenters! Sherry, Donna, Hank, Allan, and Susan B.: If you could send your email address (I think it works best if it's the one tied to your Amazon account) to: alan@alanorloff.com I'll get a copy out to you! Thanks for commenting!

[Elke]

I used to be a real book hoarder, couldn't walk past a bookstore without buying at least one title. Knowing I would never be able to read all of them, but I just couldn't help myself...

Then the best thing ever happened: I became a mother. The day I knew, everything changed: I had to clear out most of my books to make room for a nursery - and now didn't mind at all.

Today I guess I'm still a book hoarder, but mostly of e-books, so no space problems there (yet). I still like to go on the hunt in bookstores, but now its mostly for childrens books ;)