Bullied

By Elaine Viets Punched, pushed, stomped, ridiculed. That's bullying, and it happens to nearly one out of four students ages 12 to 18. The Website stopbullying.gov says 22 percent of students during the 2012-2013 school year were bullied.
But it's not a new problem. Long before Uncle Sam started keeping stats, bullies were terrorizing school kids.
I was bullied in the eighth grade at St. Sabina Catholic School in Florissant, a suburb of St. Louis.

I lived in terror of Bonnie. Before we talked about mean girls, Bonnie was a mean girl. She was taller and skinnier than me, and at age 12, I was taller than anyone in school, including the teachers.
Bonnie had a scrawny black ponytail, big teeth and hard fists. She was a public school kid, and we Catholics knew she was going to hell. But before the devil claimed his own, Bonnie waited for every school afternoon on the corner of Shackelford Road.
I walked home from grade school. It was maybe half a mile through pleasant suburban streets lined with pastel ranch houses and split-levels. I knew to avoid the convenience store near school where the boy bullies hung out. I took the back alley. But after that, the only way home was a straight shot up Shackelford, where Bonnie was lurking.
I tried talking to her, hoping to make her a friend. It didn't work. She asked why I used such big words. Sometimes she'd punch me, usually on the arms. I wasn't any good at fighting and never hit back.
So why didn't I tell my parents?
I had to save their lives.
Bonnie had an Italian last name. She said her family was connected and the Mafia would kill my parents.

St. Louis did have real mobsters in assorted races and ethnicities, but they hung out mostly in the city. I didn't know if Bonnie's family was powerful enough to order a hit at a split-level in the burbs, but I couldn't take the risk.

Every afternoon, I'd watch the black hands on the school clock edge toward three p.m. When the bell rang, my dangerous mission began: absorbing Bonnie's taunts and blows to keep my family from being killed.
The bullying ended in May, when I graduated from eighth grade. Next year, I took the bus to high school and never saw Bonnie again.
But I wonder: did she marry and have children? Are her kids bullied?
Or did Bonnie teach them her bullying techniques?

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Comments

[Marcia Talley]

Oh, wow, Elaine! Not a bit of humor in that. How awful that you had to go through that. Don't you wonder if Bonnie knows of your success/fame and what she thinks about it now?

I remember reading about a book (author/title completely escaping me at present, but perhaps another Femme will remember) written about the author's search for his bully. When he eventually tracked him down in adulthood, the bully claimed he had no recollection of the events that warped the author forever. Such a complicated issue.

And I despair, that we may end up with a proven bully in the White House ... but I won't get political here.

[Charlaine Harris]

Elaine, I'm not trying to turn this around to be about me, but I'm talking about bullying in my next Aurora Teagarden book. I'm so glad that this issue is getting attention and not in a dismissive way. Kids live with fear that adults seem to forget. I'm sure your parents would have been amazed to find that you had been protecting them from death!

[Elaine Viets]

I doubt if Bonnie ever knew the last name of her punching bag, Marcia. I suspect she doesn't even remember it. But I sure do.

[Elaine Viets]

So glad you're writing about this important issue, Charlaine. At long last it's getting the attention it should. Adults do forget how frightening the world can be for kids. Looking forward to this book.

[Karen in Ohio]

Charlaine, I'm so glad to know Aurora is getting a new story! Love her.

Marcia, I've read a book like that, too, but can't remember who wrote it.

In fifth grade I was bullied, and even in our mid-60's the woman who bullied me then is still the same mean-spirited rhymes with witch as she was then.

Elaine, I hope your family appreciated your sacrifice.

[Elaine Viets]

They never knew, Karen. The government says 30% of kids never tell adults for a variety of reasons. But I was thrilled to take the bus to high school, even if it mean getting up at 6 AM.

[krisneri]

Elaine, thanks for sharing your experience. From what I've read, lots of kids who bully others are abused by bully-parents. They're just passing on what they know. Today it's even more serious because often the kids who are bullied fight back with guns.

[Elaine Viets]

It is very different now, Kris, and far more dangerous. There was no cyber-bullying when I was a kid. We didn't have PCs. Now cyber-bullying is 24/7 turning kids' lives into a hell with no escape.

[Storyteller Mary]

I didn't see much bullying in my school days, or was too busy studying to notice it. There was one girl on the next street who seemed determined to fight over some conflict between our brothers, but I told her no. Once she waited on our usual route home from school, so I took my sibs another way, telling them she'd understand when I told her why. I suspect she took care of the problem with a mom-to-mom conversation. I'm glad you survived your bully. <3
I encountered a bit of cyber-bullying as an adult, but friends helped me see the benefits of extricating myself from the group and moving forward in other areas. I consider it a good education in how it effects the teens that don't as easily find a way out. Sometimes we need to feel to fully understand.
I just remembered Dan Keding's story of forcibly baptizing the public school kids. Maybe your bully needed baptizing.

[Storyteller Mary]

I forgot to mention that several storytellers are working to help with prevention of bullying. Sue Black is one of the most active. http://www.youandme-bullyfree.com/about.html

[Elaine Viets]

Thanks for the information about the bullying storyteller, Mary. I'm so glad this issue has gone public. I hope it saves this generation from more misery.

[Dana]

I've been thinking a lot about this, Elaine, particularly as bullying has driven friends from SF/F. These are adults who are bullying other adults who don't agree with them about the shape of the field. It saddens me inexpressibly and makes me angry.

[Elaine Viets]

It is sad, Dana. Many of my friends have been bullied when they were younger. And the various genres and subgenres have their own bullies. In the mystery world, hard-boiled writers scorn cozy writers, etc. All we can do is try to stand up to them.