It ages you

by Dana

My usual beauty routine consists of a quick swipe with a face cloth followed by eight-ten hours of exposure to LCD and LED light from my monitor. Last week I went in for a facial because every once and a while it's nice to have someone massage your face with nice-smelling extract of organic, Vitamin-C enriched, farm-raised Swiss monkey glands*, or whatever it is they use. As usual, the facialist grilled me about what I used for cleanser, moisturizer, etc.

When I told her, she reeled back in horror. It was as if I'd said “I just pat a mixture of raw meat and donuts onto my face; it makes my pores tingle.”  Or “I start with a good industrial grease cutter, then use ten-grit sandpaper to raise the grain and follow up with a light shellac.”

“That product is very aging, you know,” she wailed. “It ages you. Use this other product—it will keep your skin from aging.”

I had no idea how much that cleanser was aging me...

Again, I bit back a comment about formaldehyde also being a fine preservative (they don't have a sense of humor at the day spa—I've learned that the hard way). I also refrained from pointing out that she was the one who recommended that terrible “aging” cleanser to me in the first place.

I also managed to keep from laughing out loud—after all, she was just doing her job, even if part of that job is up-selling. It's just that I found the situation hysterically funny because the terrible secret is: I am aging. As I continue to not-die, I am continuing to get old. And my skin along with me.

I drink lots of water, use sunblock, get fresh air, but...yeah, there are things I do that I know are bad for my skin. To misquote Oscar Wilde, I know I look exceptionally plain when I've been editing. Deadlines cause wrinkles—that's a 100% true fact. I am convinced air travel forces ambient fast-food molecules into your pores when the plane cabin changes pressure (shut up, it is too science). And when one of the kids who works in the coffee shop says something like “no, I've never heard of The Cure, but I think my father listens to them,” it adds decades. Decades.

Got my nails did, too. I call the color "Baker Street Blue."

But as editing, deadlines, air travel, and coffee shops are a big part of my life, I take steps to mitigate them. Editing results in a book (and there is nothing like the glow one gets from opening a box of author copies). I am also switching coffee shops, tout suite. Travel takes to me see friends (who make my laugh like a hyena) and to events that energize me—enthusiasm and laughing is very good for your skin. It's true. In fact, you should check out books by The Oatmeal, Caitlyn Moran, or Jenny Lawson right now, for a good laugh. Or write about something you love and share it with someone.

What do you recommend for a good laugh or a way to generate enthusiasm? Besides avoiding facials?

*Exaggeration for comic effect. 

Comments

[Mark]

My go to for a good laugh is still I Love Lucy. Doesn't matter how many times I've seen an episode, I still laugh at it.

[Dana]

Wow, Mark, it's been years, for me! Need to check out Lucy again.

[Storyteller Mary]

There is Laughter Yoga. We had sessions at our library for a while, silly but we did feel wonderful afterwards, and my friend reported lower blood pressure.
I use Vanicream for all of me; it might be aging also, though I think that's from birthday cakes . . .

[Dana]

I've heard of it, Mary! Cool stuff!

[Elaine Viets]

Hilarious. Laughing always makes me feel better, but it causes wrinkles, too.

[Hank Phillippi Ryan]

A good laugh? Eddie Izzard. EVERY time. (We'l have to talk about Lucy sometime.I was always embarrassed for her.)

Dana, is that a FitBit? Do you like it?

And I have never had a facial, I know it sounds impossible, but I am terrified of them.

((When I am traveling, I use plain Dove soap and vaseline. Seriously. Would your person yell at me for that? (You can imagine how attractive a vaseline face is…luckily I am alone on book tour nights.))

I know I know, this comment is a little stream of consciousness. It's Monday. Pi day!

[Dana]

Elaine, those wrinkles I can live with!

Hank: Cake or death! Or Pi!

It is a Fitbit; I like it because it reminds me to get out of my chair. Or, it tries.

I think this particular facialist would yell at Elizabeth Arden her own self.