HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: How many blogs have we all read? Written? And yet, and yet, from time to time, there’s one that special. Heartfelt. Instructional. Educational. Revealing. And universally wonderful.
Take three minutes, do, and just read this.
Into the Woods
I took my thirteen-year-old sons for haircuts earlier this week. That may sound like a fairly stress-free event.
Show up. Watch some sports television in the waiting room. Check my Amazon rankings while listening to mindless boy banter. Read the news. Pay. Leave.
But in my household, haircuts are time bombs.
My boys are identical twins. And while twinning may be a thing for some sets of identicals, for my kids it’s a constant battle to differentiate themselves from The Other. Haircuts? There’s only so much you can do with short, dirty blonde, pin-straight hair.
Nevertheless, every trip to Sports Clips begins with “please, please give my brother a Mohawk,” and ends with two surly teenagers.
Since they were in utero, I’ve witnessed this competition between them. Baby B flipped positions at 32 weeks, painfully (for me) somersaulting his way to the head of his class. Before that, he was seen kicking his brother in the head during almost every ultrasound. Baby A entered our world calmly, a robust preemie with a pleasant personality. Baby B screamed his way through a week in the NICU, pulled out his IVs, and was so squirmy no one felt comfortable holding him other than his father and me.
We never dressed them the same, and we took pains to show their individuality to the world. Nevertheless, they struggled. At three-years-old, Baby B became obsessed with drawing. He was designing clothes by four and pointing gleefully at his brother’s stick figures. Baby A seemed quite content to draw stick figures. Art belonged to his twin.
At five-years-old, I overheard Baby A tell Baby B he couldn’t play with superhero action figures because “that’s my thing.” Baby B took up Barbie Dolls. I witnessed many a battle between Veterinarian Barbie and Superman.
At age eight, Baby B said to Baby A (quite sincerely), “You know what I love about you? You always know which twin I am.” Ah, love. The word I’d been waiting to hear.
But underlying that simple sentiment was a world of want and need. The desire to be recognized for who he was. The need to be viewed as an individual, not simply half of an appealing set. The truth is, people love twins, especially identical twins. I was warned by another mother when they were born that strangers would stop me constantly. They’ll want to touch them, she said. And they did.
Every stroll through the mall with Baby A and Baby B side by side in their double stroller required vigilance, graciousness, and patience. They were unique. They were a novelty. But not for who they were—for what they were.
As an author, I’m obsessed with voice. How do you make characters sound different? When writing from alternate points of view, how do you craft each character so that they feel part of the fictional world in which they live but still come across as a unique individual? As any fiction writer knows, it’s not easy. But that challenge gave me special insight into my boys’ fight for independence.
How do you have your own voice when you look the same, sound the same…when the world views you as interchangeable?
Their struggle has continued into teenage hood, although in some ways the pressure has eased. Baby B is two inches taller, and firmly entrenched in the art and theater world. He loves swimming, and is an expert on mythological lore. Baby A is more muscular, very justice-oriented, loves history, and he’s a lacrosse player (who still proudly draws stick figures). They share some friends, but have developed separate social circles. And they’re firmly and fiercely attached to one another in their own way.
Recently I was grappling with a book plot. I’d hit an impasse, and my normal tools weren’t working.
“Go into the woods,” Baby B told me. “It will help you clear your mind.”
Baby A agreed. “Go into the woods.”
We were at our home in Vermont at the time, and the woods were snow-covered and peaceful, a hushed wintry oasis full of animal tracks and not much else. Unsure what else to do, I took their advice. Our Labrador, Driggs, and I set out into the forest, wading through snow and climbing over half-buried branches and logs.
The quiet of nature helped, and I found my mind was free to wander, eventually landing on the twist that I needed for Seeds of Revenge. After a while, I spotted the boys, who were playing near a creek at the bottom of our property. I put a hand on Driggs to still him, and spent a moment listening to my sons.
They were creating a story, each taking a turn to add to the plot. Baby B would provide a thread about selkies or mermaids or some other mythological creature, and his brother would add historical context—Germany, around the time of World War I. It was a fascinating activity, this shared fictional world they were creating, so discordant and yet so coherent. I found my heart aching for my boys and their journey. Mostly I was happy that they’d each found their voice, and the courage and creativity to join those voices together.
HANK: This makes me cry. Love you so much.
And hurray for the starred review for your new book BITTER HARVEST! I’ll delightedly offer a copy to one lucky commenter.
SO Femmes—are you a twin? Did you ever with you were? Are the twins you know similar, or different? Gosh, can it be? I don’t think I know any.
Wendy Tyson is an author, lawyer and former therapist whose background has inspired her mysteries and thrillers. Wendy has written four published crime novels, including Dying Brand, the third novel in the Allison Campbell Mystery Series, which was released on May 5, 2015. The first in the Campbell series, Killer Image, was named a best mystery for book clubs in 2014 by Examiner.com. Wendy is also the author of the Greenhouse Mystery Series, the first of which, A Muddied Murder, is due to be released in spring 2016. Wendy is a member of Sisters in Crime and International Thriller Writers, and she is a contributing editor for The Big Thrill, International Thriller Writers’ online magazine. Wendy lives with her husband, three sons and three dogs on a micro-farm just outside of Philadelphia.
“Tyson’s first-rate second Greenhouse mystery stars big-city lawyer turned small-town organic farmer Megan Sawyer, a kind, intelligent, and spirited woman with great integrity. In short, she’s the sort of person cozy readers warm to and root for." – Publishers Weekly (starred review)
I so love this! And would adore to meet the twins. Tell us more about your book, too!
Posted by: hank Phillippi Ryan | March 18, 2017 at 05:29 AM
I am teaching a how-to-write-amystery class all day in a workshop series in Providence--and was invited by Ann Hood! Swoon. So I'll pop in here whenever I can... xxoxo
Posted by: hank Phillippi Ryan | March 18, 2017 at 05:30 AM
Wendy, your boys sound so sweet. My dad had uncles who were identical twins. As a kid, I could tell them apart if I saw them separately, but on the few occasions when I saw them together, I had no idea which was Uncle A and which was Uncle B! They were very close their entire lives. As elderly men, they died six weeks apart.
Posted by: Deb Romano | March 18, 2017 at 05:44 AM
From the providence train station! DebRo, that is so fascinating! And I am not surprised. Did you see the documentary on recently… Where I forget, of course… About how twins who are raised far apart and separately are so similar? Not just in how they look, but in behavior and attitude.
Posted by: Hank Phillippi Ryan | March 18, 2017 at 05:48 AM
Wendy, how lucky your boys are to have you as a mother. Such a lovely story and important message. We are all unique and have our own stories to tell. <3
Posted by: Julie Mulhern | March 18, 2017 at 06:13 AM
Thank you for having me here today, Hank! I love the Femmes Fatales and was honored by your kind intro. BITTER HARVEST came out last week, and the third Greenhouse Mystery is due to be released November 14.
Deb and Hank--I hear so many stories about identical twins who stay connected, even when raised apart. Deb, it must have been interesting having identical twin uncles. While my twins do fight (constantly), they're incredibly attached to one another. They become very agitated if they don't immediately know where the other is, they will stick up for each other always, and whenever something happens their first thought is about their twin. I have an older son who is fiercely independent, and it's been fascinating to see the differences in world view and approach to life.
Hank, have fun teaching the workshop!
Posted by: Wendy Tyson | March 18, 2017 at 06:16 AM
I loved the way you describe the twerps (your pet name for the duo) They are indeed two independent and unique individuals and a joy to watch growing up Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I love to read anything you write and look forward to your next Greenhouse Mystery
Posted by: Marie F | March 18, 2017 at 07:19 AM
What a lovely story and portrait of a wonderful family.
Posted by: Laura DiSilverio | March 18, 2017 at 08:33 AM
Thank you, Julie, Marie, and Laura! Julie, I agree--everyone has their own voice, their own stories, that thing that makes them unique. It's not always easy to embrace that which makes us different, though, especially in a world where sameness is often over-valued.
Posted by: Wendy Tyson | March 18, 2017 at 09:38 AM
In between classes… I always learn something when I teach, don't you? And such a joy to have an attentive eager brilliant class.
Listen to this first line one of them wrote "Meg was having a garbage morning, and that was even before she melted her kitchen. "
Got to love it! You guys keep talking… I am off to class number two.
Posted by: Hank Phillippi Ryan | March 18, 2017 at 09:40 AM
I am not a twin, but what wonderful insight into the world of identical twins. I love the picture of them sleeping and holding hands and the comment "You always know what twin I am." You are blessed with some wonderful boys!
Posted by: Celia Fowler | March 18, 2017 at 10:11 AM
Thank you, Celia--that is one of my photos of the boys, Baby B with his doll and Baby A with his truck. They brought those toys everywhere, another way, I think, of telling the world they were individuals. Hank--LOVE it. That's a winner of a first line!
Posted by: Wendy Tyson | March 18, 2017 at 11:57 AM
What a great post, made me think. Not being a twin or knowing many twins didn't think about how they are treated, but didn't we all experience the "aren't you pretty, look how you've grown, do you have a boyfriend" when we were young and remember how uncomfortable that felt. My granddaughter has 4 young children (no twins) but people are always watching, watching, watching and feeling the need to comment. Baby A and Baby B sound like sweet young men, and how marvelous that you have encouraged them to be themselves. (Hi, Hank!)
Posted by: Sally Schmidt | March 18, 2017 at 12:33 PM
Such an insightful post. I've never really thought much about twins and how they have to work for their own identities. I don't know any twins personally, but I have a couple friends who have twins (I've never met their children). Now I'll have to ask about their own kids' identity struggles! mbradeen@yahoo.com
Posted by: Marla B | March 18, 2017 at 01:03 PM
So true, Sally. I have become much more aware of how I speak to kids. Marla--I know several sets of identical twins who relish the similarities. Will be interesting to see what your friends' children think. Thanks to both of you!
Posted by: Wendy Tyson | March 18, 2017 at 05:14 PM
Home! And so lovely to read all of your thoughtful comments. We'll pick a winner soon-and so delighted to see you all here today!
Posted by: hank Phillippi Ryan | March 18, 2017 at 06:28 PM
Thank you so much, Wendy! And love to the twins..xoxoo
Posted by: hank Phillippi Ryan | March 18, 2017 at 06:29 PM
And the winner is Marla B! Marla I will email you -- but if you see this first, email me at hryan at whdh dot com.
Hurray! And Congratulations , Wendy!
Posted by: Hank Phillippi Ryan | March 19, 2017 at 06:52 AM
Congratulations, Marla! Thank you again for hosting me, Hank. It was so much fun chatting with everyone.
Posted by: Wendy Tyson | March 20, 2017 at 03:28 AM
Thank you, Wendy. There's so much here.
Posted by: gretchen659 | March 20, 2017 at 06:14 AM
I always wanted to be a twin! My older sister used to tell people we were, but that I was "defective." Ah siblings.
Posted by: Rowena Carenen | March 20, 2017 at 06:46 AM
I loved this post. It's so true that twins are a novelty for what they are: twins. It's something I'd never really thought about since I'm not, nor do I have, twins. My best friend gave birth to twin girls last year and I love watching them grow into individuals with very distinct voices.
Posted by: Meredith Schorr | March 20, 2017 at 08:42 AM
Rowena, that is hilarious! Terrible, but hilarious.
And yes, Meredith, it must be fascinating!
Posted by: Hank Phillippi Ryan | March 20, 2017 at 08:50 AM
Haha, Rowe--that is pretty funny. Thank you for posting, Gretchen, Rowe, and Meredith. Hank, the boys were so happy to be "stars" for a day. I love this site and was thrilled to be a part of it. Thank you!
Posted by: Wendy Tyson | March 23, 2017 at 01:37 PM
Same time next year--love to watch them grow! xoxo
Posted by: Hank Phillippi Ryan | March 23, 2017 at 01:39 PM