Family Words

By Elaine Viets of the Femmes Fatales.

Many families have their own language, with private words and phrases they created. These family words are part of their history, and honor the bond we have with each other and with past generations. Here are a few of my family's words.

Organ recitals: When my aged aunts in their black dresses and Enna Jettick shoes gathered, they loved discussing horrible diseases, accidents and ailments. The more gruesome, the better. They would shoo the kids out of the kitchen, make sure the men were watching TV, brew some coffee and dish. Operations were always a favorite topic. Tumors were especially delicious topics. Someone always had a tumor "the size of a grapefruit." The ladies lowered their voices for that last phrase. Don't ask me why, but tumors were always grapefruit-sized. They were never as big as an orange or a lemon.

If the case was hopeless, hushed voices would reveal, "The doctor took a look, sewed her back up, and sent her home." Then her lingering death would be described in excruciating detail.

Fatal accidents were also popular. The ladies were scandalized by a drunken teen-age boy who slammed his hot rod into a telephone pole. Their description of his body haunted me: "They had to pry his fingers off the steering wheel."

Bunions, backaches, and water pills were other popular subjects.

My grandpa called these conversations "organ recitals."

I've never been the same since Bob was born. Aunt Elizabeth's visits were state occasions. Her son Bob would chauffeur her. Bob and my father had to help the short, substantial woman up the steps and into the house. Aunt Elizabeth would rest on the couch after climbing six stairs and declare, "Thank you. I've never been the same since Bob was born." Bob was 45.

Bread sandwich: A sandwich with one thin slice of meat. Grandpa liked his sandwiches thick and meaty and deplored scrawny single slices.

House mouse: My grandfather's nickname for me. I hated being sent outside to "go play in the fresh air." It was either too hot or too cold for this house mouse.

Alice will outlive both of us: Grandma and Grandpa were always racing to the hospital to make final visits to my Aunt Alice. Alice was so thin she needed rocks in her pockets on a windy day. These hurried trips to the hospital were a terrible strain on Grandma, who loved her little sister. She would be in tears, too upset to eat or sleep during the crisis. I suspect Alice enjoyed the drama that her potential final exit created. It gave her a preview of her own funeral. Throughout my childhood, my grandparents made frequent visits to Alice's deathbed, and then she would make a miraculous recovery.

As they were preparing for yet another last trip to the hospital, Grandma was so upset she couldn't find her keys or her purse. Grandpa was fed-up. "Relax," he said. "Alice will outlive both of us."

He was right. My grandparents died in their 70s, and Alice wept at both their funerals. She lived to be 101.

What are some of your family words and phrases?

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Comments

[Mark]

It's a little embarrassing to share this one, but my family talks about a Mark search. It's where you look for something and miss it even though it is literally right in front of you. Fortunately, I'm not the one who conducts the majority of Mark searches these days.

[Elaine Viets]

Good one, Mark. In our family that's known as "If it was a snake, it would have bit you."

[Carolyn Brow]

From the time my brother and sister were small, whenever we did some to exasperate my Dad, he used to say "I've taught you everything I know, and you still don't know anything." When we were finally old enough to get the joke,he was delighted. He'd still say it, but we'd just giggle.

[Dean James]

Great stories, Elaine!

[Elaine Viets]

Love that, Carolyn. Your Dad must be quite a guy.

[Elaine Viets]

Thanks, Dean.

[Storyteller Mary]

I've used the "organ recital" phrase, generally when I'm trying not to be subjected to medical details. There's a reason this "house mouse" became a teacher and not a nurse. My brother objected to snakes' reps being tarnished, so we changed it to "If it was a bear, it would have bit ya." I was often reminded that when I was very small I declared, "Look how run I can fast." I think it was at the transportation museum, because I recall a train. Dad said those word reversals were part of our German heredity, and when we were stubborn or hit our heads called us "hard-headed Dutchmen." Words are such fun! ;-)

[Elaine Viets]

Hah! I forgot about hard-headed Dutch, Mary. (We both are from St. Louis.)And Dutch had nothing to do with people from the Netherlands. It's a corruption of Deutsch, or German.

[Ellie Enos]

My father always remarked that so and so would complain if you hung him with a new rope!
My mother had a lot of Cornish expression including "a flipping _ssed fit". My children always thought it meant some one cart wheeling in a fit or rage.
My husband (from Kona) always referred to lateness as "Hawaiian" time. After we were married, he complained that I was doubly tardy because I operated on "Hawaiian and Indian" time.

[Elaine Viets]

Love these, Ellie. Thanks for posting them.

[Donna]

My grandfather was having a discussion with a town character about the recent death of a prominent local citizen--who was surprised and disappointed that my grandfather wasn't going to the bigwig's funeral. "But I don't know him all that well," my grandfather explained. "Mr. Hornsby," the character said, shaking his head. "You've got to go to other people's funerals if you want them to come to yours." Forever afterward, my family would quote this whenever discussing some social responsibility we would rather shirk.

[Elaine Viets]

This is a wonderful story, Donna -- and my laugh for the day.

[Anne Murphy]

A number of friends and fellow parishioners use the "must attend other people's funerals" line. Quite a few of us are of Irish descent which may explain the fact that we've been hearing/using it all our lives.

[Elaine Viets]

In my old neighborhood, the older women who attended funerals were either looking for drama -- or a husband.