You Can't Please Everyone

by Leigh Perry / Toni L.P. Kelner

A reader recently gave my book The Skeleton Paints a Picture on Amazon a one-star review, and it hit me hard. Let me start by explaining that one of the characters in the book is Indigo, who is gender fluid, and I use the personal pronouns they and them to refer to them. The reviewer did not like this, and he or she said:

I understand what Leigh Perry was doing with the "they" and "them", however I ended up reading and rereading and trying to figure out how many she was actually talking to or about. Too much work for me when I read for enjoyment. I have loved all the other books but if I see this in another book, I will not read anymore.

My first reaction was vexation. No author likes one-star reviews. But I've been at this for twenty-five years, so I've had one-star reviews before and will almost certainly get them again. I generally just shrug my shoulders, make a rude gesture toward the screen, and move on.

And to be fair, in a way the review was helpful. The reader laid out exactly what it was that he or she objected to. It's like a review of The Avengers which says, "There are superheroes in this movie--I don't like superheroes, so I'm giving this movie a bad rating." That way, other viewers won't be upset. There are plenty of other movies without superheroes, and there are plenty of books without gender fluid characters or the use of the singular they.

Still, I felt bad that I'd disappointed and confused somebody who says he or she was a long-time reader of the series. So I started trying to think of how I could have handle the situation the next time I include a gender fluid or non-binary character.

I should start by explaining how I decided to use the singular they. Honestly, it's not a new approach. I first ran into it in 1984, when I was a production editor at IBM. One of the technical writers there explained that while it was technically ungrammatical, it was better than assuming all banking customers were men. I got what she was saying, but years of English class had me a bit leery until I heard a linguist's lecture in which he explained that it wouldn't be the first pronoun shift we'd had. You used to be only plural, and we dumped thee and thou in everyday use a long time ago. Moreover, re-purposing an existing word is a much easier linguistic shift than creating new ones. (Or using he or she or he/she.) Plus I knew that the majority of gender fluid people prefer the singular they.

Most important to me, there's the real Indigo. The character is based on an online friend of mine, a talented artist who is a big fan of my books, and the real Indigo prefers they and them. They kindly said I could use he if that would be easier for me, but that would have been inaccurate. Indigo isn't a he. Or a she.

So I went with the singular they.

I knew that not everybody has encountered this usage before, so my next step was to consult my editor. She approved of the choice without hesitation, and promised she'd be extra careful while proofing the sections where Indigo appears to make them as transparent as possible for the reader. Honestly, Indigo didn't show up in that many scenes anyway.

Yet, here was a reader who couldn't keep up. So what could I have done differently? According to web sites discussing LGBTQ issues, there are other approaches:

• Use the neologisms ze/hir/hir. As in, "Indigo picked up zir backpack because ze needed to leave." I could probably get used to this once I got the spell checker to behave, but I don't think it would it have been any less confusing that commonly used words.
• Don't use pronouns. As in, "Indigo picked up Indigo's backpack because Indigo needed to leave." That would make it plain who I was referring to, but it's also incredibly awkward sounding. While I could reword some sentences to make it less so--"Indigo picked up the backpack because it was time to go,"--it was still going to be stilted.
• Alternate he and she. As in, "Indigo picked up his backpack because she needed to leave." I find that a lot more confusing--just writing that sentence confused me.
• Use it or he/she. Just no. Not ever. Those are considered offensive to trans and gender non-conforming people.

After considering the possibilities, I still think I picked the only solution that worked for me: the singular they. The words already exist and pass through the spell checker, those passages read naturally, it's not insulting, and it's about as clear as it's going to be. And again, they is what Indigo uses.

So this is my message to that reader, whoever he or she--or they--might be. I did the best I could with a language that isn't a perfect match for reality. I'm sorry you couldn't figure it out, but I don't have a better way to handle a gender fluid character.

Now I admit it occurs to me that what the reader is really saying is that he or she doesn't want gender fluid characters in the books he or she reads. I hope that that's not the case, but if it is, then by all means, don't read any of my books in the future. I'm going to continue to put all kinds of characters into my books, and you never know when I'm going to insist on fooling around with grammar to make it work.

I hate to lose a reader, but honestly, every choice a writer make runs the risk of alienating a reader. There is no book that everybody loves, likes, or even tolerates. Or to quote Ricky Nelson's song "Garden Party":

You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Kathy Lynn Emerson]

Good for you for making the sensible choice. I have to admit I’m one of those who hadn’t encountered the use of the singular they before I read your book, but if I remember correctly, you explained the usage to Sid so both he and your readers wouldn’t be confused. I can’t imagine it caused a problem for most of your fans. The one who complained—no great loss.

[Kristopher]

It's understandable that the majority of people have not encountered such usage, but language has to be flexible enough to adjust to our reality.

What shocks me is that in the case of this particular book, the scenes featuring Indigo are 1. relatively few and 2. some of the most emotionally powerful in the novel.

For the reader who wrote that review, this is sadly about far more than pronoun usage.

[Art Taylor]

I'm teaching a fiction workshop now and one of the stories up for workshop today has a character who is preferring they/them. It does take some getting used to reading it, but once you do, it becomes fairly natural. I also taught the book THE 57 BUS last semester, which discusses all this at length. YA true crime and much recommended.

[Sally Schmidt]

A couple of months ago I would have been confused by what your post today was about, but my granddaughter dated someone who preferred they/them. Yes, it did seem a little odd at first but certainly not offensive or any reason to get upset. They were still a person and this was their choice. A one-star review is pretty harsh. It sounds like that reader doesn't like people or situations they aren't comfortable with creeping into their (oops, should probably say his or her) reading. You're right - Garden Party!

[Toni]

Kathy, I hoped the explanation worked, so I'm glad it worked for you.

Kris, thank you. I'm very fond of both Indigos--the real one and the fictional one.

Art, I'll check out that book. Sounds fun.

Sally, my daughters both have friends who use they, and I am still learning to check before I assume.

[Elaine Viets]

You made the right decision, Toni. I once got a review for a hardboiled mystery of mine because a street kid & robber said, "give me your money, bitch." What was he supposed to say: "Pardon me, madame, may I please have your money?"

[LynDee Walker]

Good for you, Toni, on all counts. I think you made the right call, and agree that it's very possible this person wasn't really objecting to the language, but the character. Which makes me sad for them, because think of how many wonderful people they will miss out on knowing with that outlook.

[Barb Goffman]

Sorry for the late reply. You made a thoughtful decision at the start and a thoughtful reevaluation now. It's all you can do. And yes, you can't please everyone. All you can do is try to do what feels right to you.