Today, the Femmes are happy to welcome Elizabeth Zelvin as a guest blogger.
Take it away, Liz...
When I decided to compile an anthology of short stories on the theme, "Me Too—crimes against women, tales of retribution and healing," I asked only women writers to submit. I wanted women's voices—authors' voices as well as those of the girls and women whose stories they would tell.
Of course, people asked:
"Do you have only women authors?"
"Why do you have only women authors?"
"Don't you think men can write a good story about a me too situation?"
"Do you think all men are abusers?"
No one actually asked, "Do you think men are the enemy?" But I could hear them think it.
For the record, I don't. I know plenty of kind and decent men who don't see the world through sexist lenses. My husband and my son are among them. So are some of the best short story writers I know. Only one guy I know was snide about the project, and everybody else ignored him. But “Why only women?” is a question that deserves an answer.
Author Lyndsay Faye wrote eloquently about what's wrong with "Not all men are like that" in a blog post in November 2017. We already know that, she said, but "there's a reason it makes women crazy." When a woman is telling her story, "she doesn't care about your own credentials while she's in the middle of telling a painful story. It's interrupting. It's changing the subject." If your boat is sinking, she says, you don't want to hear that not all boats are leaky.
In asking women only to contribute to Me Too Short Stories, I was saying, "Don't interrupt. Sure you could write a story. But this time, it's our turn." Furthermore, most women understood why I made that choice, even if they themselves would have included male authors in such a volume. I didn't have to explain. I didn't have to explain a lot of things that I trust women, especially those who choose to write a me-too story, to understand.
I'm the first to affirm that the tools of a fiction writer's trade are imagination and empathy. Literature is filled with female characters well written by male authors. But I have two reasons not to trust them with this particular kind of woman. First, good men were so surprised by how many women in all kinds of circumstances stood up and said, "Me too." Second, I did this book because crime fiction was getting it wrong. Some men might have gotten it, but I didn't want to have to explain the nuances. I didn't want to instruct or correct. If they wanted to learn, let them read what women had to say.
In general, there are a lot of things I don’t have to explain to women. Sure, "women understand" is a gross oversimplification. But here are some of the things that we're more likely to know:
A story about violence against women doesn’t need to be graphic. It doesn’t even need an assault scene.
It’s better to give molested children a voice than ban stories about them.
Not every victim wants revenge.
Not every woman who seeks retribution is a gun-toting action heroine, an honorary man with breasts.
Fear is as complex as anger. Survivors can feel a whole spectrum of emotions from shame to grief to ambivalence to rage to acceptance to forgiveness.
Most women are not loners, but relational beings who grow through connection with others. They have mothers, daughters, sisters, friends. Read any feminist psychology lately?
Our relationships with our bodies may not conform to the stereotypes. Our feelings about fat, breasts, age, and beauty vary.
The relationship between violence and pleasure can be confusing. This is one reason that sexual molestation is so shaming to the young, along with the pain and betrayal of trust.
Women often don't talk about what men imagine we talk about. In particular, a lot of us don't talk about men at all. This doesn't mean we don't like or love you individually, guys. You're just not as interesting as you think you are.
Oh, yeah. And there are no femmes fatales.
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Elizabeth Zelvin is the author of the Bruce Kohler Mysteries and the Mendoza Family Saga. Her short stories appear in EQMM and AHMM and have been nominated three times each for the Derringer and Agatha awards. Liz is also a New Yorker, an online therapist, a poet, a singer-songwriter, and a grandma.
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Welcome to the Femmes, Liz. The anthology sounds great.
Posted by: krisneri | September 06, 2019 at 06:42 AM
Thanks for having me on the blog, Kris. I'll be looking forward to hearing opinions from femmes, hommes, and non-binaires on this topic.
Posted by: Elizabeth Zelvin | September 06, 2019 at 06:55 AM
These are great points, Liz. I'm glad to be a part of your anthology.
Posted by: Julia Buckley | September 06, 2019 at 07:19 AM
I really enjoyed your analysis, Liz - I hadn't thought it through in such detail.
At the moment it seems particularly important that we remember that there's more than one way to be a victim and a survivor. That's so often missed in our everyday lives, and is at the heart of what seems to be going wrong with the justice system here in the UK
I am so pleased to have my first published short story in this anthology.
Posted by: Ann Rawson | September 06, 2019 at 07:31 AM
Words of wisdom, Liz! Many insightful points in this article. I'm honored to have a story in this anthology.
Posted by: V.S. Kemanis | September 06, 2019 at 07:37 AM
After mentioning the non-binary alternative without much thought because thinking in a new way about gender is such a part of the fabric of our culture these days, I began to think some more about how important it is for gender politics and the politics of oppression in general not to sweep the plight of abused mainstream women under the rug—traditional women, white women, middle class women—as if they have it all or choose to be abused. Oppression is NEVER a choice, whether it comes from being marginalized or from being intimidated or bullied. That's exactly what the Me Too movement is about.
Posted by: Elizabeth Zelvin | September 06, 2019 at 07:58 AM
Great post, Liz. I'm proud to be part of this anthology.
Posted by: Eve Fisher | September 06, 2019 at 11:35 AM
I am glad to give voice to the women and men who struggle against the domestic violence cycle. We learn to abuse.
Posted by: Lynn Hesse | September 06, 2019 at 07:12 PM