My Weblog

'Tis The Season--To Check in the Closet and Under the Bed

by Alexia Gordon of the Femmes Fatales.

It’s October! This is my favorite month and not just because I was born in October. I know autumn officially starts in late September, but October feels like autumn really means it. Temperatures drop, at least in this part of the country, to sweater-weather range, leaves turn beautiful shades of red and gold, and spookiness takes center stage. Spooky stuff runs the gamut from kid-friendly trick-or-treat fun to Halloween fun of the adult variety to downright terrifying. There’s something for every bravery level. Lists of seasonal reading and viewing material are published, featuring books and movies and TV shows to thrill, chill, and scare the bejeezus out of their audiences. Sisters in Crime picks supernatural mysteries for its October ALA Bookclub Central list (http://www.bookclubcentral.org/2019/09/30/october-picks-from-sisters-in-crime-things-that-go-bump-in-the-night/). This year’s list, Things that Go Bump in the Night, includes Killing in C Sharp, one of my Gethsemane Brown Mysteries. Book Riot published a list of “13 Books to Keep You in a Spooky Mood All Year Round” (https://bookriot.com/2018/10/30/spooky-books-for-halloween/) last year and “10 Horror Book Series to Get You in the Halloween Spirit” (https://bookriot.com/2019/09/13/horror-book-series/) this year. They also offered a list of suggestions for bookish Halloween décor (https://bookriot.com/2019/09/27/halloween-decor-for-book-lovers/) to help readers decorate their reading nooks in the spirit of the season. And, for readers who like to play dress-up, lists of literary Halloween costumes abound (https://www.weareteachers.com/best-literary-halloween-costumes-for-teachers/, https://bookriot.com/2017/10/10/literary-halloween-costumes/, https://www.buzzfeed.com/mallorymcinnis/lets-make-trick-or-booking-a-thing).

I don’t much go in for costumes or home dec but I love a scary story. Some of my favorites are—everything by Edgar Allan Poe, the ghost stories of M.R. James, and “The Boogeyman” by Stephen King. I don’t rely solely on literature to scare myself silly. Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds gives me the creeps and makes me suspicious of our fine-feathered (so-called?) friends. Hitchcock’s Psycho and the Stephen King-derived 1408 and The Shining give me second thoughts about hotels. Laura is another favorite. It’s not a horror movie but it’s such an eerily atmospheric noir film it feels at home during the spooky season. The 1963 film, The Haunting, creeps me out even more than the Shirley Jackson novel, The Haunting of Hill House, that it’s based on. I can’t leave out the 80’s slasher films, Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, and Friday the 13^th. William Peter Blatty’s The Exorcist makes my list, as does the 1976 version of The Omen (damn, that kid is creepy), Scream, and John Carpenter’s The Fog (1980). I must add Nicole Kidman’s The Others—about which I can say nothing without giving away the twist. The Babadook creeped me out so much it took me three tries to get through it. A more recent scary favorite is Netflix’s Malevolent. A couple of con artist siblings find out the joke’s on them when their fake ghost hunt turns out to be not-so-fake. Malevolent achieves what I love—a genuine creep-out without excessive gore.

Let me not leave out TV. “American Horror Story” disturbed me so much I couldn’t watch it. Same for the short-lived “The Exorcist” TV series and the long-running “Supernatural.” (This is a compliment.) Less disturbing (meaning I can make it all the way through episodes without turning on all the lights, checking to make sure the doors are locked and sitting with my back against the wall so no one can sneak up on me) but equally delightful (in a dark and twisted sort of way) are “unscripted” ghost hunting shows, like “The Dead Files” and “Ghost Adventures”, “The X-Files,” “Sleepy Hollow” (the Washington Irving story is fantastic, too.), “Twin Peaks” (1990-1991), and “The Twilight Zone.”

I can’t count the number of scary stories that are out there. If you need more suggestions, a Google search return lists such as, https://www.oregonlive.com/tv/2016/10/31_scary_tv_shows_ranked_from.html, https://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/tv/a24213055/scary-tv-shows/, and https://www.rottentomatoes.com/top/bestofrt/top_100_horror_movies/. If you’re a fan of spooky, you probably have favorites of your own. Please share—what are some of your favorite seasonal reads and watches, from the not-so-scary to the jump-out-of-your-skin terrifying?

 

5 Things I Learned Pitching a Hollywood Agent

By Joanna Campbell Slan for Femmes Fatales

After years of working together, my writing partner, Brad Markowitz, and I thought we had a project strong enough to pitch Leslie Conliffe of IPG (Intellectual Property Group) in Los Angeles. Brad’s an old pro at Hollywood, having written for sit coms and worked as a showrunner. I’ve learned a lot from him. Leslie is his agent, so he called and made an appointment with her.

As you can imagine, I was nervous as a squirrel about our meeting. I’d spoken to Leslie once before on the phone, and we’d really clicked. She had liked my Jane Eyre Chronicles. But that didn't guarantee that this new idea would be met with approval. While this was business as usual for Brad, it was a huge leap outside of my comfort zone.

Actually, the whole Los Angeles thing was outside of my comfort zone. I realized it right away when we drove down Sepulveda Blvd. and I casually asked, "Who names a street after a crypt? Sepulchre Boulevard?"

Of course, Brad thought I was nuts. "No. That's Sepulveda," he said, giving every syllable its proper due. I tried to explain that when you bump people off for a living (on paper at least), such associations naturally spring to mind.

Hollywood is a slick, glamorous town. You can’t drive anywhere without seeing beautiful people. The current “uniform” in Hollywood is tight yoga pants and a sports bra. Nothing else. You see women wearing that EVERYWHERE. When I pointed this out to Brad, he nodded and said, "God bless them every one."

Fashionista alert: Stretchy pants and a midriff bra do NOT make for an outfit I would feel comfortable in. I took two outfits with me, both very simple dresses. One pink and one blue. In the end, I chose blue because it's the color of sincerity. I wanted to look professional but not stuffy. I also wore comfortable shoes, and that turned out to be a very good choice, because parking in LA is a real problem.

I brought along a big portfolio-sized leather purse so I would have everything I needed, neatly tucked away. The one hiccup I didn’t plan for was that Brad borrowed my favorite fine point ink pen and then somehow gave it to a waiter! This shouldn’t have been a crisis. (Are you laughing yet?) But I’m excessively fond of those Pentel RSVP Fine Point pens. When I discovered we didn’t have it, I felt…naked. Betrayed. Unprepared, even. But I persevered.

The morning of our meeting, I walked from my hotel (the Crescent, and I loved it!) to Whole Foods to buy a gift bag (an adorable jack-o-lantern with candy corn teeth from Papyrus) and wrapping paper (white with spider webs), because I’d brought Leslie a small gift, a Jane Eyre/Lowood Academy LaCrosse Team tee shirt. The world needs more Vitamin C, as in Cute.

Thus armed, Brad and I arrived at the IPG office and were ushered into the conference room. A few minutes later, we were joined by Leslie and her assistant, Emma. (And yes, Leslie loved the gift. I wished I'd brought a big bag of candy corn, too!)

Here are five things I now know about pitching a Hollywood agent.

1. Your pitch needs to be commercial. Brad and I worked for two years, coming up with an idea that was uniquely ours, topical, and saleable to a verifiable audience. As Leslie wrote in an article for LinkedIn, even if she likes an idea, she might not be able to represent it because “every time I decide to work with a new client time is taken away from an existing client and project, and I must believe that I can continue to give the same amount of quality attention and personal dedication to all my clients, new and old.”
2. Your pitch needs to be well-honed and dramatic. Brad and I had put long hours into deciding exactly how to package, explain, and deliver our idea. In the end, we decided that he would introduce me, and I would paint a scene for Leslie, a snippet that would entertain and entice her.
3. You need to practice, practice, practice. I learned from being a motivational speaker that when you are nervous, words fly out of your head. I went over and over what I wanted to say, speaking the words, and imagining how it would be. I actually stood up and walked through it in my hotel room several times. I must have done well, because Brad said I commanded the room.
4. You should bring supporting materials. I printed out a set of figures from Forbes Magazine that showed exactly how commercial our idea was. In other words, I defined the size and buying power of the market we hoped to attract. Having the sheet in front of me made talking about it a snap, and I was able to leave those numbers behind with Leslie.
5. Your pitch is only the first step. As with most agencies, a lot of people have to vet the proposals before the agency will consider new projects. Even if IPG does greenlight our idea, they will still have to figure out how they will “get in a room” or “get us in a room.” ("Getting in a room" is industry lingo for getting the opportunity to pitch someone who can turn our idea into a television feature or series. And yes, if we get in a room, we’ll go through this all over again.)

Were we a success? Brad had warned me that it might be a very short meeting. I knew going in that Leslie had a jam-packed day. I also knew I would have to prove that I could deliver, but I wouldn’t get to do that unless our idea immediately grabbed Leslie’s attention. At every step, I reminded myself that at least I’d be able to go to my grave saying, “I pitched a Hollywood agent! Wow! Is that cool or what?”

Again, you ask, “Was it a success?” We spent nearly three hours with Leslie. Two and a half were talking about our idea. So yes, I think it went as well as it possibly could. As for what happens next, we’ll have to wait and see.

Several Thousand Words

by Leigh Perry

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I figure 40 seconds of animation has got to be a whole bunch of words. In that spirit, I present this book trailer introducing The Skeleton Makes a Friend, the fifth in my Family Skeleton series, which is due out November 6.

The trailer was created by my elder daughter Maggie Kelner, and you can see more of her work at https://www.dappercap.net. (If you need an animator, she is available for commissions.)

 

 

 

 

 

Cartoons Are Complicated

by Leigh Perry / Toni L.P. Kelner

You remember when you were in [insert name of subject or teacher you were bored by] class in school, and you'd stay awake by doodling stick figures on the corners of your notebook, them flip through them to show movement? You were, no doubt, secure in the knowledge that you understood how animation work.

You were wrong.

Well, the basic principle was right. If you flip a series of illustrations quickly enough, persistence of vision will fool the eye into thinking you've seen a continuous stream of motion. (That's how all films work, not just animation.) But the truth beyond that principal is so much more complicated.

I admit, I considered myself reasonably knowledgeable about animation. I'm a big fan of animation, whether on TV or at the movies or for games. I watch "behind the making" videos on our Disney and Pixar DVDs. Plus I've absorbed a certain amount of know-how via my daughter Maggie, who recently graduated from SCAD Atlanta with a degree in animation. So I figured, sure, I know how this works.

Nope. A couple of weeks ago the family attended the CTN Animation eXpo in Burbank, CA, and via panels and chatting with people in the field, I learned a whole lot about how little I actually know.

I knew an animated feature has a whole team of animators, but I didn't know that animators get typecast. One panelist says he specializes in people walking determinedly as they accept their fates, usually singing as they go. Think Elsa singing "Let It Go" in Frozen or Moana in Moana running down to the shore once she realizes she knows the way. Other animators have more specialized specialities: hair, walking, background characters, and so on. There's an incredible amount of teamwork to bring it all together. One animator for Coco admitted he was iffy when his boss kept telling him to add more wrinkles to the title character, Mama Coco. He was afraid she'd look ugly, but once the scenes were lit by other artists, her beauty and character shown.

I knew there were character designers, but I had no idea how many iterations a character goes through before reaching the final version. Looking at characters-in-progress also showed how much even the smallest of details--hair style, skin color, eye shape, age--changes the way a character is perceived. And I never imagined how long that character design process takes. One 30-minute TV cartoon series has been in production for two years, and they're still refining that protagonist. Even previously existing characters--Stretch Armstrong the toy and Unikitty from The LEGO Movie required some polishing before they were ready to star in their own series.

Of course I knew that voice actors add a tremendous amount to an animated character, and I knew the voices were recorded before the animation begin. But I didn't know how many takes they record with the actors saying the words a variety of different ways because the shape is still taking shape. Josh Gad, who voices Olaf in Frozen, does quite a bit of improvisation with his lines to get the funniest jokes he can. Hours of this material is never used.

I knew about story boarding, but I didn't know how those were different from beat boards, or how story boards are used to create a rough animation called an animatic. And story boarding and story animation are wildly different. (I would explain what all that means except I'm still not sure I've got it right, and my daughter might read this and laugh at me.) Then there's scripting, which is something different. We had a chance encounter with Alex Hirsch, the show runner for the animated series Gravity Falls, which showed me that animated series can have long-reaching story arcs. There were clues in the first episode to how the series ended with the third season.

One of the most pleasant discoveries was learning how animation continues to evolve. Obviously, the switch from classic 2D animation to 3D animation has been a quantum shift for the industry, but there's still plenty of great work in 2D animation and there are other techniques like stop-action animation still in use. But sometimes there's something totally different. Loving Vincent is a remarkable piece of work in which each frame of the full-length movie is a different oil painting, most of which are based on the works of the movie's subject: Vincent van Gogh. It's just as amazing a movie as it sounds, and best of all, the team responsible is looking into the possibility of creating a horror movie using the work of Goya. If it happens, I'll be first in line at the box office!

So I came out of CTNx a lot more knowledgeable about how ignorant I am of the process of creating even the shortest piece of animation. So next time you're watching Coco or Loving Vincent or Gravity Falls or Unikitty! -- and I recommend them all -- sit through the credits and give a little love to those story artists, set dressers, renderman developers, lighting artists, and other creatives whose work I don't understand in the least, but which I appreciate so much more now.

The Many Movie Faces of Santa

 

Merry Christmas! Yesterday, Frere Dean James told us about his Christmas movie tradition. Today, my friend and mystery lover Doris Ann Norris discusses St. Nick on the small and large screen. Enjoy!  -- Elaine Viets

By Doris Ann Norris

'Tis the season to watch Christmas movies, and mystery fan and movie goer Doris Ann has spent this holiday season watching and sometimes re-watching Christmas movies, mostly the Hallmark Channel, but other networks as well. Some are feature films, others were TV movies or went straight to DVD. Doris Ann, a retired librarian, has catalogued what she learned about Santa Claus from these Christmas movies.

He can be married. The best-looking Mr. and Mrs. Claus were Robert Wagner and Jill St. John in Northpole. He even looks good in a long white beard. They're at the top of this blog.

Or Santa may be a son who must take over the job and find a wife, like Arthur Christmas.

 

Or the daughter of a "sonless" Santa who is looking for a husband to drive the sleigh. (Jack Frost won't do....he's a cocky, arrogant, entitled snob.)

But Santa is really nice even if he is the 50th or 60th or whatever (I'm right-brained) he carries out an important mission for the world....especially its children. And if you are the right age and meet the bachelor Claus, you can become Mrs. Claus. Like any couple, they have their ups and downs, detailed in Finding Mrs. Claus.

You never know where you are going to meet the real Santa. He may be ringing a bell at a street corner, so watch out what you wish for. You may have a challenging, exciting job and heading to the top of your profession except a thought about what life would have been if you had married that high school or college sweetheart. Suddenly you wake up with a husband and kids and are supposed to be some kind of Martha Stewart and Betty Crocker combined. It helps that you are beautiful or "as cute as a button" and have plenty of "spunk." Lou Grant would go crazy with all this spunkiness.

Of course, it will all end up happily with you being married to that former beau and having "wonderful" children. After all, women don't need a career or a profession. And they don't have to be barefoot and pregnant since they do have nice clothes. And lots of aprons.

Santa may also be a marketing specialist, as in Deck the Halls.

Or he could vacation in the Caribbean, the French Riviera, even Florida in the Off Season.

Santa remembers the wish you made almost thirty years ago and will honor it when "it's time," as in A Boyfriend for Christmas.

Yes, those Christmas "want" lists last forever in the North Pole. (I think they had computers long before we ever did or all that paper up North is one explanation for Global Warming.
Oh, and while he is mostly Santa Claus, he is also St. Nicholas, Kris Kringle, Pere Noel, Father Christmas, etc. etc. His wife mostly calls him "Nick."
Christmas is the best time of the year because Santa comes. Though people keep singing things like "Noel", "Oh Little Town of Bethlehem," "Joy to the World," "Silent Night," we really don't talk about that, just sing about it. (Unless, of course, it's one of the religion affiliated networks where production values, writing and acting are not too important.)
The Encounter had Jesus behind the counter of diner trying to win the souls of the five people he brought there. All they had to do is believe. One grumpy business guy didn't and he went to damnation helped by the Devil who was disguised as a State Patrolman. There was a lot of preaching (and a lot of snickering – from me).

Not all movies have Santa. I never realized how many "royal families" existed in Europe. And they all have either an unmarried Prince or Princess and they and the whole household speak perfect English. And, at least the Duchesses or whatever the Princes are supposed to marry are nasty snobs and fear the American interloper (you know the spunky one). As Roger Moore said in A Princess for Christmas, "She was all fur coat and no knickers."

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What's Christmas without a murder? Win Elaine Viets's Murder with All the Trimmings, her fourth Josie Marcus Mystery Shopper mystery.

Click Contests at www.elaineviets.com

Christmas Traditions

My only persistent Christmas tradition revolves around movies. During this time every year, I take time to watch my favorite holiday movies, either on DVD or when they appear on Turner Classic Movies. For me, the season wouldn't be completely the season without my having seen these favorites.

Number one on my list is "The Bishop's Wife," starring Cary Grant, Loretta Young, and David Niven, along with the wonderful characters Gladys Cooper, Elsa Lanchester, Monty Woolley, and James Gleason. I have no memory of the first time I watched it, but I do know that it immediately appealed to my sense of whimsy. There are a number of reasons I adore this film, chief among them Cary Grant. He is my favorite male movie actor (Katharine Hepburn is my favorite female). Cary plays an angel whose mission is to help David Niven, the bishop of the title, achieve his goal. Loretta Young is the wife. Cary falls in love with Loretta, who is of course charmed by this most charming of men (David Niven is the only person who knows Cary is an angel). There is much humor along the way, as the angel helps the bishop to the realization of what is most important. There is also good, old-fashioned heart, and the combination makes this my favorite.

Second on the list is "Christmas in Connecticut" with Barbara Stanwyck and Dennis Morgan, again with wonderful character actors: Reginald Gardiner, Sydney Greenstreet, S.Z. "Cuddles" Sakall, and Una O'Connor. Now, growing up, I knew Barbara Stanwyck only as Victoria Barkley from "The Big Valley." Later on I discovered some of the wonderful movies she made in her heyday, and they were definitely a revelation. In this charming holiday film, Stanwyck plays a Martha Stewart type, Elizabeth Lane, who writes a column for a popular magazine. Dennis Morgan is a soldier who starved himself while adrift at sea in order to keep his buddy alive. Once rescued, all he can think about is the wonderful food he reads about in Stanwyck's column. Greenstreet, the publisher, arranges for Morgan to spend the weekend with Mrs. Lane and her family at their cottage in Connecticut. The only problem: Lane isn't married, has no such cottage, and can't cook to save her life. The resultant screwball antics are great fun, with Stanwyck and Morgan lending considerable charm to the proceedings.

My number three is probably not usually considered a Christmas movie, though it did introduce one of the standard Christmas songs. "Meet Me in St. Louis" chronicles the life of the Smith family in St. Louis in the year leading up to the 1904 World's Fair. Judy Garland is one of the daughters; the child star Margaret O'Brien is her baby sister. The movie covers the four seasons, but the most poignant is Christmas, when the family is facing a move to New York for Father Smith's law firm. To comfort her little sister, Judy sings "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." This scene never fails to make me puddle up. No one can sing that song like Judy Garland.

Rounding out my list is the 1938 version of Charles Dickens' classic "A Christmas Carol," starring Reginald Owen and Gene Lockhart (father of June, who plays one of the Cratchit children in the film). There have been many versions and adaptations of this story, and I've seen a number of them. But this one remains my favorite, largely because of Owen and Lockhart. They never fail to charm me, and I enjoy the magic of the story again and again.

There are a number of films that people love to watch during the holiday season; these happen to be my favorites. I'd love to hear what yours are.

'Tis the Season

Many of us have our own, personal traditions for this holiday season. For many, the tradition is a re-read of a favorite book, and for others, watching -- yet again -- a favorite movie. There is one particular Christmas mystery that I do like to re-read periodically, Charlotte MacLeod's witty Rest You Merry. At the moment I have no idea where my copy of the book is because it's no doubt in one of the many boxes I have yet to unpack.

My tradition for the season is watching my favorite holiday-themed movies. I have the top two on DVD, and the others I usually catch on TCM this time of year. My favorite of them all is "The Bishop's Wife" (1947) starring Cary Grant, Loretta Young, and David Niven. I can't remember just when I discovered this movie, but I do know that it made an immediate and lasting impact. It has a combination of whimsy, sweetness, and humor that I continue to find irresistible year after year. If you don't know the movie, here's a simple plot outline: Cary Grant is an angel who is sent in response to a plea from David Niven (the bishop of the title) for guidance. Loretta Young is the beautiful, somewhat neglected wife of the bishop. Cary does his duty although he is beguiled by his feelings for Loretta. It's a story about ambition, love, and understanding what is truly meaningful in life. Supporting players include Elsa Lanchester, Gladys Cooper, James Gleason, and Monty Woolley. It was remade as "The Preacher's Wife" with Whitney Houston and Denzel Washington. I've never seen the remake and don't plan to.

My second favorite is one I discovered only a few years ago, thanks to TCM. "Christmas in Connecticut" stars Barbara Stanwyck and Dennis Morgan, with memorable supporting players Sydney Greenstreet, Reginald Gardiner, and S.Z. "Cuddles" Sakall. Dennis Morgan is a war hero, one who starved himself to save a friend, and all he thinks about is being able to eat good food again. His nurse writes to the publisher of a magazine (Greenstreet) about him, and Greenstreet decides Morgan should spend Christmas with culinary expert and writer Barbara Stanwyck, her husband and child at their Connecticut farm. There are a few problems with this: Stanwyck isn't married, has no child or a farm in Connecticut, and she can't cook. The shenanigans that result from trying to keep the publisher from finding out his star writer is a fraud are amusing and sweet.

Other more recent favorites include "The Man Who Came to Dinner" (with Monty Woolley, Bette Davis, Jimmy Durante, Ann Sheridan, Reginald Gardiner, and the always wonderful Mary Wicks) and "A Christmas Carol" (the 1938 version with Reginald Owen, Leo G. Carroll, and Gene Lockhart). I know many people are fond of "It's a Wonderful Life," but despite my love of whimsy and of Jimmy Stewart, this is one that I haven't really taken to for some reason.

My holiday season is never complete unless I take time to watch these favorite movies. What are your favorite holiday movies?

My new favorite sleuth

by Kris

When I was a kid, Nancy Drew was my favorite sleuth, if not my hero. I’m not unique in that. Scratch many female mystery readers and writers, and you’re likely to find it was Nancy who led them into their lives of crime.

I know Nancy Drew inspired a lot of us. But she was more than inspirational for me. I wasn’t being raised in a household that believed in independent women. Though others were caught up in the women’s movement, in my family, we were enshrining the beliefs of an earlier century. I was always told that women were supposed to be submissive to men, that we should hide our intelligence and capabilities or it would threaten them. Even then I wondered why we should want men who folded that easily, but as a little girl I feared I might be alone in that belief.

If my parents had read the books they were buying, they would have banned them from our house as a subversive. Because they didn’t, I was able to cling to another view of life. For me, Nancy’s self-confidence and deductive savvy weren’t merely inspiring, they were like water in the desert to someone dying of intellectual thirst.

I’ve been grateful to her shining example all these years because she helped me to become the woman I am today.

Lately I’ve added another hero to the female sleuths who so effectively kick ass. I’ve started watching Veronica Mars.

Yeah, yeah, I know this was a show from, not merely years, but nearly a decade ago. What can I say? I don’t have much time for TV, and I’ve missed loads of good shows. In the spirit of full honesty, though, I must confess that I did know about Veronica Mars when it was on. Most mystery folks watched it then, and many of them raved about it.

I gave it a try once, but its teenage protagonist meant it contained two elements that tend to drive me away from movies and TV shows: I hate it when what we’re supposed to accept as smart aleck teens characters who are actually being played by actors zeroing in on thirty — I always think that makes them seem unbelievably savvy about life, and I often find I can’t sustain that much disbelief; and, the other thing I don't like about teen shows in general is that we invariably have to watch commercials for zit products. Been there long ago--don't need to go back. 

But recently, on a whim, I recorded a few episodes. Then, weeks later, on a stormy Sunday when there was nothing else to watch, I gave the show another try, this time catching the pilot, which I never saw. Boy, was I wrong! Oh, sure, the actors are too old to their parts to my mind, but it has so much else going for it, I’ve found I can overlook that.

I didn’t know that Veronica believed herself to be raped in the first episode. What a bold story choice. And since Veronica keeps her ugly secret close and moves forward so courageously, that makes me admire her even more. She’s as confident and smart as Nancy Drew, only she’s working in a tougher world. I also didn’t know that it makes such a statement on the haves versus the have-nots, which is even truer today than when the show was made.

I've loved discovering what you most of you must have known years ago, but I’m finding it as fresh and engaging now as when it was created.

I’m not sorry I didn’t see all these episodes before, however. Because now, thanks to Pivot TV running all the episodes, I can create my own Veronica Mars marathons. And thanks to my DVR, I can skip the zit commercials.

Do you like Veronica Mars? Are there any TV shows that you've missed until later?

Holiday Mishaps!

Beware:  The holidays are upon us! We've all seen videos of
 deep-frying turkey mishaps leading to conflagrations and roof-top 
decoration exploits that end in falls and electrical shorts--and trips 
to the emergency room.  It's also the time of year when the smoke alarm 
may also act as the dinner bell.  There are movies dedicated to holiday 
horrors, and every sitcom imaginable has featured the pitfalls of
 hyped-
up expectations spiraling to a comedic crescendo.



What are your favorite holiday mishaps, Friends of the Femmes--and extra
 points for a heart-warming conclusion!

Dana Cameron has generously donated a copy of her novel, Seven Kinds of Hell, for a drawing. She’ll randomly choose someone leaving a comment — from outside the Femmes Fatales family — to receive a copy. 

A Cruise Back in Time

By Elaine Viets

"SKREEE-AAAK! SKREEE-AAAK!"

The 115-year-old boiler on the African Queen sounded like a gigantic goose. With each squawk, Captain Lance Holmquist pretended he was making the goose calls and shouted, "It’s a goose! A Canadian goose!"

The boaters and tourists on either side of the canal laughed and waved at the historic steamboat. The African Queen is a Key Largo favorite.

The boat that co-starred with Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn now cruises the canals of Port Largo in Key Largo, Florida. Key Largo is about an hour’s drive from Miami. The cruise lasts 90 minutes.

"Key Largo was actually named for the 1952  movie," Captain Lance said. "Before that, it was called Rock Harbor."
Sounds uncomfortable. Thanks to Bogie and Bacall, Rock Harbor has a more romantic name.

The Overseas Highway, also known as US 1, is a ragtag strip of bars, restaurants, T-shirt shops and hotels, including the Holiday Inn Key Largo. The Queen is docked at Marina Del Mar, next to the hotel, between fishing charter boats and a pirate cruise ship.

"Most of the movie takes place on this boat," Captain Lance said. "But it was too small to shoot on with those big old Technicolor cameras. John Huston built a big raft with a three-quarter mockup of the boat. I know this boat so well, I can usually tell which scenes were shot on the replica and which on the original African Queen."

He keeps a thick binder of rare unpublished black-and-white photos of the making of the movie. One shows Bogie stretched full-length, balancing himself on four beer bottles.

"The movie was partly filmed in Africa," Captain Lance said. "Everybody got sick except Bogart. He said it was because he drank bourbon and they drank water."

The African Queen steamboat is about 30 feet long, with a red-and-white striped awning.  The boat was a sprightly 50 years old when the movie was made. She’s now a hundred and one.

The Queen has worked most of her long life. "The African Queen was built in England in 1912," Captain Lance said. "It was sent to Africa for the East Africa British Railways company. She was used to shuttle cargo, missionaries and hunting parties across the Victoria Nile and Lake Albert, between the Belgian Congo and Uganda."

It must have been a crowded trip, with people and goods crammed into the small space. The 30-foot steamboat has seats along the sides. The boiler squats in the middle, chugging, hissing, whistling and belching steam.

The original boiler "was stolen when the Queen was transported back from Africa to  London," Captain Lance said. It was replaced with an even older boiler, from 1898. Captain Lance tends it wearing a pair of thick gloves. The Queen still has its cinematic whistle.

Even on a fine day, the sun beat down. Captain Lance keeps a huge umbrella on board. I opened it up and waved to the less fortunate on their yachts. They weren’t on a real steamboat.

"The African Queen" got Bogie his only Academy Award, and Katharine Hepburn a nomination. I thought she deserved an Oscar for her performance as the prim missionary who falls in love with the hard-drinking boat captain. "She modeled her performance after Eleanor Roosevelt," Captain Lance said.

After her starring role in the movie, the Queen went back to work in Africa until 1968.

Then she came to the US, working as a charter boat in San Francisco, Oregon and then Florida.

By 1982, the Queen had come down in the world. Attorney and Bogart buff, Jim Hendricks, Sr., discovered her in a cow pasture in Ocala, Florida.

A year later, the Queen was working again in Key Largo. There she stayed, a registered National Historical site. Her engine broke in 2001, and tourists posed for pictures with her.

A decade later, Captain Lance Holmquist and his wife, Suzanne Holmquist, leased the Queen and restored her in time for her 100^th birthday. They wanted the beautifully battered African Queen of the movie. They replaced the rusted steel in the hull and the broken boiler. "That’s real black African mahogany in this boat," Captain Lance said.

On the tour, the African Queen cruised past waterfront mansions. "See those big houses along the water there. That used to be a landing strip used by drug smugglers in the ’80s."

The Queen chugged out in the ocean. "That’s John Pennekamp Coral Reef State Park," he said. "You have to go diving and snorkeling in it."

On the trip back, Captain Lance asked, "Did you bring your camera?"

"Left it at the hotel," I said.

"Then we’ll have to take your picture," he said.

He snapped this photo with his cell phone.

 

"Now see that empty gin bottle there?" he said. "Fill it with water, then pour it out, just like Katharine Hepburn. And don’t forget, she was disgusted by gin."

Here’s the photo. I don’t think my performance will get an Oscar nomination.

 

To book your cruise on the African Queen, go to www.africanqueenflkeys.com. Don’t forget your camera.